Legit DBing? or is this just calm before storm?

[MommaDucki]

So, here I was Jan '09 with D3, living at my parents' house. Two reasons I moved. First was H...had to get away from him and figure out if we should be together or not. Second was because I'd lost myself somewhere along the way, and wanted to find myself again.

Found a job within a few days of the move, got my license stuff straightened out after a few weeks time, and was able to start paying that off and was able to drive again.

Feb, I'd started IC, and I'd discovered DB and DR at the library and really wanted to sttempt a solid DBing. April insurance kicked in for D3 and I.

As far as H and I went, we'd decided late Feb '09 that we'd be ok seeing other people.H started a job in feb, moved out of his parents house in march, started seeing OW in march as well. I'll call her OW1 for now. Have been a few OW since S. Forgetting about OW and EAs before S because they're not important anymore.

So, I'd also taken a guy I worked with up on an offer to go out. We meshed well, and I enjoyed his company. Knew that if H gave any signs to want to work on M though, that I'd not have an issue dropping OM and NC again.

I'd also started working out. Was more due to an incident at a restaurant in Feb when I was asked by waitress when my next baby was due. She was rather embarassed when I said I wasn't prego. I knew I'd put on weight when I was pregnant...more than needed, and I knew I was doing very little to take it off after D3 was born. Felt good to finally get back to a size i was happy with and have to go shopping for a whole new wardrobe.

Still keep up with yoga, pilates, and areobic workouts to this day because I learned that I have to keep taking care of myself to help combat possible inherited health probs when I'm over. Living with my parents again after being gone for so long made me realize that they don't really take care of their bodies like i'd want to.

I started seeing that they have more health probs than necessary t their ages, and most can be combated with simple life style changes, but those changes aren't for me to decide for them. Got to a point where I sat at mealtimes with them and D3, but I cooked separately for D3 and myself. Led to problems at times. Wasn't an every day thing...I mean, I'd eat dinners my mom cooked one or two nights a week, and if I was working, was ok for the time being for D3 to eat whatever they were having. Kept telling myself being there wasn't permanent.

Whew! I feel I'm jumping all over the place here...

So, back on track...May rolled around and H calls me out of the blue saying he's leaving OW1 and wants to wrk on M. Long story short? H ended up leaving again and moved in with OW1.

That was May. I pretty much dropped contact with H at this point. Went dark, and he didn't like it. Told him if anything serious happened with D3, i'd be sure to let him know, but I wasn't going to give him constant updates about her anymore.

H got caught up with OW1 and was contantly texting or calling. Telling me all about OW1 and her dying grandmother. After OW1's gma passed away, she recieved a decent inheritence. H and OW1 moved into a hotel together (lol). and I went the wrong path and started contact with OW1. Tried to get on her good side. Told her how R with H would most likely go because he never changes. Was warning her about how to look out for herself.

A few days ago, H actually talked to me about how my doing all that affected him. Was taken back because he won't usually bring up past stuff like that to me.

So Aug '09, I'd had a trip planned to go down for H's bday and visit in laws. H wanted to sit and hammer out D details while I was there and I refused. I simply would not go that route. He still to this day has same stance about D and everything that goes along with it.

Standing firm that if D is what he wants, he starts it, and I WILL be using a lawyer...he's against it...wants to talk out details and file uncontested...NOT how I work, sorry.

So anyhow, H basically tells me that he wants D and is happy with OW1. Good for him..whatever, though I'm crushed and cracking up at same time. H's crazy OW1 is crazy, they're perfect for each other right now, so I let them live their cray life.

H got new job back in old city (where D3 was born). OW1's money paid for the move, a new apt, and furnishings for it. H worked, OW1 felt abandoned (according to emails she was always sending me which I never responded to). Nov '09, while H was at work, OW1 packed up and left.

H starts communicating better with me...actually asking about my life, etc, and gets more and more frustrated because I have very little I want to say.

At that point, my job was going well, had a vehicle that I was allowed to drive (was in my parents' name, but I was making the payments for them). IC was going well, had learned that a lot of probs with H actually had roots in demons from my past, so therapist and I started working on dealing with those. Got involved in the young adults group at my church, started making some pretty decent friends there. Started spending more time reading, something I used to spend most of my time doing, but had put away to spend time with H instead.

When weather permitted, I ran, and got back into biking. Being back at my parents' house gave me access to a piano again (had to sell mine years prior due to space limitations). Even started writing some new pieces. Had my baby sister getting married June '10, so I was helping her and my mom with wedding prep stuff as well when needed.

I'd also ran a credit report on myself and started working very hard at eliminating old debt. Got some minor things cleared up, and made huge dents in some of the bigger things.

Was actually feeling rather good about myself and life. Had a good Christmas that year with D3. (H didn't send any gifts, go figure). As New year approached, I couldn't believe how much had happened over the past year.

Will end this post here to let anyone catch up who might happen to be reading. I do apologize, but actually, I'm finding this very theraputic for some reason. A year ago, if I ever pulled out journals to re-read, I'd be angry again. Not angry this time, but feeling insightful.