I suppose it was inevitable.


I have been hibernating.


I fell asleep watching the grammy's and did not unplug the phone before I dozed off.

I woke to hear the ringing and was too groggy to think much about it.

So sleepily I answered the phone.



It was him.

He knows I love to watch award shows...how I love to make fun of what everyone wears and guess on each catagory.

....he knew he had his moment and he pounced.



I hung the phone up on him as soon as I realized it was him.



Too late...now he knows I'm home alone...



Gabe is in washington for the week, matt is taking his friend back to georgia......He's headed back to Iraq where he's been for 14 months so they took the road trip together to draw out his return.

I turned out all the lights....

The house was completely dark.....

This house hasn't been completely dark since our oldest hit puberty. Any time of the night on any night of the week, this house is lit up like a christams tree...you can see our house for 1/2 mile. If the police ever saw it dark...on their nightly rounds I do believe they'd stop and see what was wrong.



The doorbell chimed and again and again..

he is not going away.

He has a key but he won't use it.......

He will just stay there until I let him in....
stubborn SOB


then the banging....and the yelling


He's standing in the yard yelling at the dark


What the hell am I gonna do........




Second foolish thought:

Okay, I can do this......... I can let him in and completely ignore whatever words come from his mouth...I will stare at a dot on the wall if I have to but I will hear NOTHING.!!

I sat at the kitchen table with my head in my heads looking down at my slippers on my feet that are dangling off the bar stool and did not look at his face.


He talked for four hours.

I could glimpse the kitchen clock between my bangs if I looked sideways.


I sang songs, I made up stories, I dictated letters in my head...I made up a grocery list, I made up my OBITUARY.

I knew the minute I looked at his face I would either die or give in.


He was asking, then pleading , then begging, then he was angry, and then crying and I was soo afraid he was going to touch me..........I made a plan while he was talking that if he touched me I would run out of the house and get in the car.

Maybe if I just let him get it all out...he'll stop and go away........


I took my hands down from my ears...he stopped then.... and then he left.......very quietly.



now a big part of me wished I had listened,


I was too afraid to hear ANYTHING.

I am not up for round two.

am I cheating myself?

Is there something more I should hear?


Trish