W came around this evening to pick kids up, nothing much said really, she asked how I was etc etc, which I again replied really well (as per my email earlier in the week). I didn’t ask her as I know I will get the stock answer of “I am fine”.
I wanted her to see me this week (as I had made my excuses in the last 2 weeks as to not see her) to change her visualisation in her head of me. I wore new jeans and t-shirt and put some aftershave on so she could see how good I was looking as I have lost about 28lb now (another 14 to go) which would support what her friends had told he about how good I was looking. Unlike last time when she said how good I looked she didn’t this time, but I could tell.
I also acted happy, again to support my recent communications to her and back up what her friends had been telling her.
After taking the kids bowling earlier in the week we had a couple of days off then D14 had a sleepover on Friday night, so I cooked pizza, garlic bread and nibbles and the four of us played boardgames which was good fun. D14 posted on fb what a fab night we had (which W would be able to see). Then today we went to my friends pub and had Sunday lunch (I didn’t have too much) then took kids to see their grandparents. So quite a few activities with the kids this week and we now plan to go bowling every week when I have the kids. I will make it obvious when and where we will be.
D14 was telling me in the car on the way back from Lunch today that W was again asking her last week if I had a girlfriend, as I was sooooo happy and was looking good.
Back to my “single” no kids GAL activities this week ahead LOL
Staying on the dark path again with no contact. It is hard as I know W is so stubborn and as previously mentioned friends think she is expecting me to chase, but I am not going to. Ultimately I think that her stubbornness will stop her initiating things with me and could possible effect her happiness, but that’s up to her. I am now starting to actually feel a lot better in myself, and think that WHEN she comes out of her fog and realises the grass isn’t greener it may be too late.
As I posted of Kaffe’s thread Strange how others perceive us and we don’t even realise……
One of my good friends said to me yesterday about 6-12 months or so ago he noticed that I wasn’t my old self, but over the last 2 weeks he has seen me change back to the happy, fun, jovial and confident me. One of our mutual friends also said she and her H saw a change in me about 6-12 months ago, but again, back to the real ME again now and how much happier I seem.
I had also received comments in the past few weeks how withdraw from friends and family I had become due to pressures, W etc.
These situations certainly make you sit up and realise quite a lot
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
Half hour after W left I get a call from her, which I ignore, then vm message asking me to give her a call regarding our mutual friends.
I called W back as I don’t want to be put in the middle, W says that they are hardly speaking now and that she has received a lengthy email from one of them. I told W that I have not and will not say anything bad about her to anyone, its more to do with how W is really with them, and how she has been acting.
Anyway, subject changes and I asked W why she keeps asking D14 if I am seeing anyone, which she didn’t really answer, only that she had asked her a few times. I thought this would be a good time to put my boundary down (due to her partying etc) and stated that I would not accept living in an open marriage. W asked what I meant by this, so I just repeated it and said my morals will not allow me to do so. W said so you will wait 2 years then, if I have to was my response.
I also asked W to have the kids over a weekend in August to repay the favour I agreed to, didn’t say what it was for though, but the dates I said were wrong so need to text her now!
Than back to dark (it was about the kids though!)
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
You should have told your W, when she asked if you'd wait, that you would just see how things go and that you don't want to give her any false hope... lol!
You should have told your W, when she asked if you'd wait, that you would just see how things go and that you don't want to give her any false hope... lol!
That's a good one kaffe, difficult at the time to think of "smart" response, maybe if it comes up again LOL
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
You should have told your W, when she asked if you'd wait, that you would just see how things go and that you don't want to give her any false hope... lol!
When I posted that w said would I wait 2 years then, it wasnt in waiting for her, but that is how long we would officially be married before we could get an official D. As over here you have to be separated (living apart) for this amount if time unless there us adultery.
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
W just text back saying the dates I wanted are ok. Then said I do understand what ur saying however I can't c either of us waiting two yrs to meet someone else, if it happens it happens
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
+first: If one of you did not wait the 2 years, how would adultery affect the D? Would it change legal positions or does it just speed up the process?
+ second: well, there may not really be a second here. Just thought one thing just wasn't enough...
But really, you told her you would wait the two years (even though it's possible you might find someone new, unless you lived in a cave, in the mountains, with little to no oxygen, and only mineral water to live on...). So she can readily glean from that, you are saying you are prepared to wait for her.
You may not have meant that, but it's there for someone to pull from the words. And so... the ball is in her court. As she has just told you that she can't c either of you (her) waiting two years.
If one of you did not wait the 2 years, how would adultery affect the D? Would it change legal positions or does it just speed up the process?
IIRC, if one commits adultery, or if there has been "unreasonable behaviour" then a divorce could be granted within 6 months, otherwise both parties could only get a D if they have been living seperately for at least 2 years. Plus I think that the person who commits adultery is looked upon for a lesser perspective
Originally Posted By: Kaffe Diem
But really, you told her you would wait the two years (even though it's possible you might find someone new, unless you lived in a cave, in the mountains, with little to no oxygen, and only mineral water to live on...). So she can readily glean from that, you are saying you are prepared to wait for her.
You may not have meant that, but it's there for someone to pull from the words. And so... the ball is in her court. As she has just told you that she can't c either of you (her) waiting two years.
Couldnt leave it at that, so text back saying
I have received a lot more attention over the last few weeks than I can remember for quite some time, and I have been asked out on dates, but I have chosen not to at this time.
That would be the final nail!!!!
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
