Legit DBing? or is this just calm before storm?

[MommaDucki]

Wow 25! Thank you for sharing that story of your brother. I hear so much in it and took so much away. He does sound a lot like my H. H wants to surround himself with well-known or famous people...or people of importance, and expects that everyone will be wow'd by him because of who he knows. When the thrill from others wears off that they're just not impressed by him because of who he knows, he gets bored with them and drops them...whether a friendship, a R, or even his own family. I never fed into it, and H has even told me (as recently as two days ago) that the fact that i'm not impressed by all these amazing people he knows just bothers him. lol! men can be so funny. I don't care who people know. I've met famous people too, but they don't impact my every day life, so I take the joy of knowing I've met a person and move on with my day...lol!

Anyhow, as far as dynamics of H's support of D goes, there have been some great times, but the good doesn't outweigh the bad, and I'm not trying to come across as putting him down, just trying to state the facts as they are...
When D3 was born, H had a really good job with amazing benefits. He quit it with no notice 6 weeks after she was born because he did work shiftwork and claimed it interfered with his ability to be with D3. Stupid, yes. He was earning enough that we'd agreed to me being a SAHM for a bit, and I was furious. Took to going out and getting job apps for him, bringing him wanted ads, newspapers, searching the internet and emailing him various job ads...keep in ind...THIS WAS MY PAST. When D3 was 2 months old, my grandmother had gotten sick and found out her cancer had come out of remission. right up till H and I got M, I'd actually been working as my grandmother's full time caretaker. had been doing that for a year and a half. Her and I grew incredibly close during that time, and I was crushed when she made the choice to opt of hospice care and go home to live out her days. I understand her choice...she was old, my grandfather had been gone for several years, as well as her oldest D (my aunt), and she had so many other health issues, as well as being wheelchair bound. H knew I was crushed, and though we were without jobs ourselves, he still took money from what we had saved and told me to get up there to see her. So D3 and I spent the next 2 months at my parents house going to see and visit my grandma every day till she passed. Was an interesting 2 months being away from H. We'd already had a few problems going on at that point, but I knew that he was what I wanted and being back home with him and D3 was where I was supposed to be.

When D3 and I did get back, come to find out H's having EA #2 because he feels I've abandoned him, and I also became increasingly depressed and obsessed with D3. I wouldn't let others hold her, do things for her...was stretching to let H do anything for her...he'd try...honestly try...like if he knew we were both asleep, and D3 woke up needing changed or something, he'd get up to change her, but I'd still end up waking up, and took to screaming at him and a couple of times throwing things at him for not waking me up to take care of my daughter! Understandable that he didn't want much to do with me. By the time D3 was 7 months old, H was sleeping on couch, still having EA, and I was a recluse basically. Had a couple of friends as well as our roomate that I did spend my waking time with (and D3 of course), but I wanted nothing to do with H. He'd quit his new job 2 months after he got it, took on another job in completely new field, quit after 2 weeks, and stayed jobless for next 5 months. Roomie for some reason was very passive about us living there...he too had a good job and just sucked it up and paid all the bills. I cooked and cleaned for roomie as well as our friends/neighbors who lived next door. We all became a dysfunctional family of sorts and none of us wanted my H around. H never bothered trying to hang out with us either. In Dec '08, roomie finally had enough though and told me one day he was going to ask H to get out. Said he couldn't live with himself if he kicked a mom and her baby out, so I was welcome to stay if H opted for living on the street or something. Even though things weren't great with H and I, we were still M, so I went where he went...PERIOD! So new years day, '09, H, D3, and myself packed up and we moved into FIL and step MIL's house, which was 300 miles away from where we had been.

Once we got there, H and FIL started going at it all the time. Were a few occasions where I left the house with D3 and s-MIL because we were afraid they'd get pysically violent with each other.
I was still breastfeeding 11 month old D3 at that time, and was tired of overhearing FIL and sMIL telling H how disgusting and gross it was that I was still doing that. H never came to my defense, though he was supportive of me doing what I felt was best for D3. At the time, I also had issues with my drivers license being suspended, so I wasn't able to drive anywhere. H was supposed to be taking me out places looking for work, and he'd be up all night on the pc while D3 and I slept, and not wake up to take me anywhere. Led to FIL calling me a lazy POS who wanted everyone to do everything for her. H decided one day that he was going to talk to army recruiter about re-enlisting and once he started, he took it to the extreme of talking to FIL about paying to send me up to my parents' house. Was annoyed with him because he never talked to me about it all. Was next day that I called my parents and told them what had been happening.

H and I chose to S at the end of Jan '09. I didn't want it...never wanted it, and told him repeatedly on the way to the train station that I'd stay if he wanted, but would mean we'd need MC....he said he was sure this was what he wanted..that we both needed to find ourselves again to see if we even wanted to stay M. We agreed that we'd both work on ourselves and not make any decision about staying M or not for at least 3 months, so as to not rush back into anything.


Since this post is a bit long, will start another now...lol, sorry for long read.