I've come to realize how much of a perfectionist I've been. I don't mean in a high achieving, attention to detail sort of way, but wanting life on my terms way. I don't want unpleasantness, discomfort, conflict, vices, unpleasant emotions from others. This keeps me in a state of disconnection, because I don't want to participate. One can't have intimacy this way. It's a lonely way to live.
I'm letting my W be imperfect. I'm staying with unpleasantness and experiences instead of being quick to judge, or snap at her, or being reactive out of aversion. I'm letting her months of unemployment and years of smoking work itself out at its own pace and manner.
CL
Neither of those two ways is any way to live a life, in my opinion, CL. There is a third way, and that is to lay out and learn to enforce calm boundaries, and stop walking on eggshells around your wife, calling her on her CB ("crap behavior" when necessary, and stop allowing her to treat you like a child.
I honestly don't know why you're afraid to stand up for yourself with her. She's making you sad and miserable -- it oozes from your posts.
