Thanks Nine and Pickle. We had the second part of the conversation this morning and this time I was more prepared. I actually made a list of things to discuss to keep me grounded. Most of it was financial, logistical stuff, so no need to go into detail here. I was very straight forward, concise and clear. I did well.
STBX did clarify one thing. She claims that the one thing that hasn't changed about me and that was the downfall of our vacation at this time last year was that I was still all consuming of her. I took too much. I was too black and white. I validated, but still explained why I am that way - in short, that is who I am.
I think she cried once and at point said "it's all so sad". I tried not to have too much R talk, but at this point it is entangled with logistics etc to some extent. As the call ended, I asked if she is ok. She said "I am never ok after a talk with you". In a moment of weakness and honesty, I admitted the same. I said "you are like a drug to me. Talking feels good in the moment, but I often feel worse or bad for doing it".
In this case, I actually felt better after the second talk. I also had a long talk with a friend who has been helping me through all this. He and his wife are reconciling right now. I directed him to MWD's books and this site. They gave him a chance to save his marriage.
STBX and I agreed to talk again regarding a few issues. I will go back to dark again, at least until her birthday on June 23.
I will be busy the rest of the day and that's a good thing.
