Mlc: I have been asking myself those very questions lately. I dont really feel that H did a whole lot for me in terms of being a H. I look at other H's and I feel like they would do anything for their spouse, where as my was so self centered and didnt want to do anything I ever wanted or hang with any of the people I wanted. It was all about him and his needs all the time. I never got to do my hobbies with him or get taken out for nice evenings, or get little gifts. He was so thoughtless for the last 4-5 yrs. I bent over backwards for him. And he doesnt even see it. The thanks I get is him leaving me 3 times. Thats crap.
Notsosunny, I am not tech savy and for some reason, I cant find your thread? Is it here in the MLC forum or elsewhere? But I do think its great that you are going back to alanon. I feel very supported and loved there. And those are feelings I forgot how they even felt like to have. I hear in alanon all the time that the way my H acts and his withdrawl from my life is very common for a alcoholic. I hate watching him spiral down. I feel so wierd lately. Like, I am not sure I would want him back. I have never felt that way the other times he left me. Now I know that if he is not sober, I dont even want to really be friends with him. I dont want to be blamed or lied to anymore than I have in the past. I am sick of it. I am doing better on my own, because he was never around anyhow (always at the bar). I am so jealous of all the girlfriends that I have with awesome H's that bend over backwards to please and satisfy their wifes. I want that. My H cant give me that currently. He used to for the first 10-12 years of our relationship. But the last 4-5 years have been terrible. I feel so alone. But I am getting stronger.
Many people tell me lately that I still look like I am 18. I have been told by some of my guy friends that I am a catch. They tell me all the time how stupid my H is for ditching me, and if I were there girl, that they would take such good care of me. I hear all the time that I dont deserve to be treated the way I have been by my H. I believe all of that. But I am not ready to date anyone. Nor do I currently feel like my heart will ever allow me to. Is there something wrong with me? TIPPER
