Affair (continued II)

[sandi2]

I don't think I've read another thread quite like mine, either. I was the WAW/WS and yet, much like you, I was the one who came here.

Listen to these "victims", Chris. I have learned much from them.

I can't say exactly what your W may feel, but let me try to give you a word picture. IMHO, your W is kind of like a woman who has a hysterectomy. The surgery instantly throws her into menopause, regardless of her age. It kind of "shocks" her body, b/c it didn't happen normally. It is an awful lot to deal with and she discovers new things about her body that has drastically changed. The H can't do much about what she's experiencing, but he can be kind to her, patient, and make life as enjoyable as possible. He can make sure that he doesn't add to her problems while she is healing from the surgery and cooping with menopause.

That's kind of where you are in this picture. You have to allow time for the shock to run its course, the healing to take place, deal with her anger, and for her to learn new cooping skills.

When I had surgery, I was in terrible pain. I could not pick up anything that weighed more than a dinner plate for six weeks. I could not do any housework, I could not go back to my job, I couldn't even drive a car! But even after several weeks when I thought things should be getting much better....I would experience pain. I even called my doctor out of concern that something wasn't right. He told me that it was all part of the healing process.

Is she a WAW? IDK, but I think it's like that sudden menopause I was talking about. She is shocked, hurt like he!!, and is facing things that are horrible and unwanted. And, just as some young women have to have a hysterectomy and learn they can no longer have dreams of giving birth to a child, there is a great deal of "grief" she must go through. Anger is also a part of this type of surgery when it comes to one very young.

I know it may sound as if we keep saying to give her space and time, and to work on you being a better man....but that really is the key to having a chance at the future.

Keeping reading DR and other M help books. What have you read so far?

Could you number or list your 180's? I like to see that b/c it seems to really tell how far one has grown.