if you want to remain fully DARK, why not tell your son that?
It's a nice thing to say about your w
and hopefully he'll repeat it to HER...and if not, at least he'll know you said it (which is worth something)
ask the board.
I'm not positive.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
What is your buddy's agenda for planting the seed?
Legitimate question 9. A little background………
My buddy and I have been friends for 20yrs I went through his first D with him and he was a wreck. That was his one true love and he knew it. He knows me and he knows X. As a matter of fact he is good friends with her also and has wanted to show her support in the beginning. He is also very blunt and knows good and well how I have been feeling for a long time. Outside of this board, he is the only one. He also talks to X on occasion to see how she is doing and how she is holding out. He opens up to him from time to time and knows that he cares. When she does he is honest with her, same as with me.
His belief? I love her and I am heartbroken. He also believes that X is also heartbroken and scared. He tries to support her and has tried to be an ear for her but when she starts to excuse her actions he takes her to task. Of course he has his opinions and he shares those with me and I am sure he shares them with her.
He is not giving me false hope. He told me back in January take the hook out of your mouth and move the hell on. She is not done but she is stringing you along. She is prideful and stubborn and when that pride goes away she will crash and crash hard. You on the other hand you are equally prideful but you have to put forgiveness in your heart. Live your life, move on but just know that one day she will come calling back. What you do then is totally up to you but unless you have both learned and healed you will never make it. Know that she will date that she will see other people and it is then that she will wake up. You will to and that is normal. It could be a year two who knows but as I am sure that my name is B I am sure she is going to hit bottom. For now, you live for you and don’t sit around and wait for anything.
Those were his words back in January. Of course back then those words did not make sense to me. I thought that meant I sit around and wait for that day. Now I know better.
He wants to be a friend to her now and he believes that she is in a bad way right now. He hit a nerve with her yesterday but he knew it. He made her think and that is all he wanted to do
Wow 2 step. With INfo like that , it would be difficult to not hold out but you know that its not the right thing because , NOBODY including your wife doesnt know how this will play out.
Keep getting a life dude.
9
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
However, based on what he has been through and what you have been through. What are you willing to hear?
You are done...I get that, but "what if" she comes back and pleads to be with you? What's your view. This is more for others than it is for you Friend. If you are "happy" who are you to hold it over her mistakes? No open relationship..."I will not be in an open marriage" but if she is willing to EVER meet this...what would you do?
The best. When he found out he was very heart that we split up.
Originally Posted By: FaithnAK
What are you willing to hear?
What am I willing hear or what is she willing to hear? Me? I want to hear nothing. I don’t want to know what she is doing or who she is doing it with. I just want to move on and heal. I want peace.
Originally Posted By: FaithnAK
You are done...I get that, but "what if" she comes back and pleads to be with you? What's your view. This is more for others than it is for you Friend. If you are "happy" who are you to hold it over her mistakes? No open relationship..."I will not be in an open marriage" but if she is willing to EVER meet this...what would you do?
Ok this is one hell of a question and I am not sure I am ready to answer it. There is a running bet among some very close friends of mine, including a several BITS about this. What will I do when she wants back in? This is also something my friend was trying to get me ready for when we spoke the other night. He is convinced.
IMO no one can know this and I mean no one. People have their opinions and pretty much everyone has the same one except me. I don’t it is healthy for me to wonder what I would do or to play out a scenario in my head of her coming back. It keeps me stuck. In my mind the damage has been done and therefore it is time to move on.
As you said though, for the benefit of others what will I do if she pleads for another chance?
I have no idea. I know what my initial reaction would probably be.
Why? Why should I? Why do you think you can take my soul and heart rip it out of my chest and then decide you would like another go at it? How could I trust you ever again? Do you understand? Do you have any idea what you did to me? What you did to my D? What you did to our lives? Where is the individual accountability? After months and months or trying why, because the grass is not greener because now you have decided that we were worth it.
It is not that I would hold it over her head AK, it is that the same effort she put into leaving would have to be the same effort she would have to put into rebuilding what she broke. It would be awfully presumptuous of her to think a simple “I am sorry” would do the trick. In actuality we did not have an open M. To the best of my knowledge she started any R after the D, mater of fact a month or more after the D. In reality I have no reason to judge her. The part that bothers me is the hanging on, the keeping me on a string and the EA she had been having. Like I said it is the who more than the what.
In short, I have no freaking idea since it is a scenario I doubt will ever happen I don’t really think much about it.
In some ways I think the “piecing” aspect of all of this is the hardest part. I just don’t know. Almost seems like starting a new R would be much easier than going back to the old one. If we were still M and the PA had not happened then my answer is simple. Over, Under, or Through it for as long as it takes. Now? Why?
So as I mentioned earlier she called yesterday. I answered.
X: hey I called and I know what I have to do regarding this. Did you send me your sisters number
M: Yeah I did. I believe I texted you the info.
X: Well I just figured since you were there I would let you know. I am kind of irritated that I have to handle nephews legal problems
M: you don’t. That is my sisters problem. I am sure that if you call and explain that to them you will be fine. Like I said yesterday I was calling them but it is my sisters issue to deal with.
X: I thought you said you did not get a letter how did you know?
M: Well my sister told me about it I did not think you would have gotten a letter since you live in Tulsa now I did not think they would have your new address.
Quite……….
X: How did you know I lived in Tulsa
M: I’ve known for awhile
X: Well I haven’t been here for a while
M: A few weeks you know what I mean. Do you need me to contact the court
X: I don’t understand why you are being a jerk?
M: I am not being a jerk I am staying on topic.
X: No I can handle it I don’t need anything from you
M: Ok great. Well I wish you luck and success
X: I don’t need your sarcasm
M: I am not being sarcastic
X: I knew you and I know you are being sarcastic and being a jerk and I don’t understand why
M: Well X I am sorry you feel that way sounds to me like you have this handled
X: My friend just showed up we are going to lunch I have to go
M: Have a good one
I hung up. I am not sure if I have mentioned this. She moved in with OM in Tulsa.
guess she's also onto the fact you know where she is and so, whom she's with...oops
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
She is angry at herself more than she is me but to bait me or lash out at me is easy because if she gets a reaction out of me she will think "aha see I was right he is still the same old d!ckhead" and for my own sake I will not give her the satisfaction.
At this point I'm working very hard to move on with my life and while it was not to long ago that I would have given anything for her to call me now I just want peace.
People keep asking me.......what will you do when she wants back in?
The thought terrifies me.
I have to protect myself so I don't think about it.
I think that entertaining the idea is pointless.
My buddy told me to expect some contact because he knew he hit a nerve.
One thing I did not mention that my buddy told her
"you are not done with him and he is not done with you. I don't know when maybe a yr maybe two but you will end up back together and YOU know it"
Her response?
"yes I think your right"
Smoke and Mirrors that's all this is.
As for me?
I'm moving on with my life, I'll let god dictate where my path will lead me.
