25 I'm adamant in no double standards in this. I don't want her to just get a free pass. She has to consider all the outcomes no matter how painful they may be. I'm not going to lie and say I wouldn't enjoy myself, but she wanted to enjoy the lifestyle while I took all the pain. Not a very fair model if you ask me. I want for both of us to share in both pains and joys. I'm really curious to see what her feelings would be once I start seeing people.
Well a side of me just hopes that maybe this will just turn out to be one giant game of chicken, and we can emerge from this stronger and more committed to each other. Twice she has mentioned what would happen if she closed the marriage. I found those comments interesting. I also find it amusing how much it freaks her out when I show interest in the lifestyle. I guess it rattles her previous notion that she had me wrapped around her little finger.
So yeah right now I'm in rebuilding intimacy mode, and eventually will give her what she wants. We will see from there if it's really what we both wanted. Hopefully we'll be strong enough to survive whatever happens.
