I need to admit this here. This morning I was missing STBX so bad, I almost broke the darkness. I actually drove past the restaurant she works at. Thankfully she was not at work yet. I am not sure what I would have done if she was. I would like to think, I would remember my pact with NineLives and StillLearning and not done anything. Maybe, like an addict, I just wanted to get a sniff of the drug and see if I could resist. I really don't know.
I had a great talk with my former Boss who now manages another dealership in our group. He was my rock in the early months of separation. He is now separated as well, but in a very happy relationship with a new woman. Every time I speak with him I feel better and he always compliments on how far I have come.
For those that have been following my saga, there has been no response to me putting the cards in the package of stuff I had S17 give to STBX. That's actually a good thing. I know it wasn't the best idea, but it's what I needed to do that day. It's done now and I will let it go.
The end of day 16 of dark nears as I also have to admit that I wonder what is going on in STBX life. I hear very little from the kids and the big difference now is that I don't try to in any way. I guess after you spend over 20 years with someone, having real difficulty detaching is understandable. Still working on that...and I could be for years.
Today is D19 boyfriend's birthday. He is a great guy and I am happy she has had him during a tough time. In the past, I would never publicly say what I feel. Today on his FB page, I wrote "Happy birthday _______. Thanks for being the perfect man to love my daughter and for her to love". Being truly in touch with my emotions is one thing I got from this experience. That I am thankful for.
