back again

[InAPickle]

You sound frustrated ac.
That's normal. Take a time out,
because it's your mood that matters.
Why let someone else fvck with that!

I would advise against acting rash or on emotions.
Sit back and asess you goals.
What are they? short term? Long term?
Is this R/M worth fighting for?
And by that I mean fighting your own feelings of frustration among a host of other things.

I think you need to work on the emotional detachment, so that you can see things more clearly. Things appear confused and cloudy and inconsistant. It is true what they say, don't believe everything. WA's often speak from their feelings at a given moment and are in an emotional mess themselves. They too cannot see clearly and their feelings wander.

Hang in there man. Get off the coaster.
Blessings, Pickle.

[Telemark]

AC,

InAPickle and jbnati have said it all and said it well. It sure seems like your W is on a constant rollercoaster; if she doesn't know what she wants from one minute to the next, don't think you will be able to know.

Our W's are searching for..something. I think we need to be at our very best for ourselves and our W's, regardless of what they say or do. Try to not take those harsh comments to heart; I know that is easier said than done, but I think they are spoken out of confusion and frustration, not truth.

[any chance?]

Thanks, folks.

Tele: I am really not sure it is a roller coaster for her, or a one way chute. That is my point. I do not know if those words are spoken out of confusion or finality, and I do not know how to tell the difference. If they are final words, then so be it, finish everything as quickly as possible, and move on. If they are confusion or temporary, then DB and GAL might have a place here. How the h*ll do I know?

I cannot let my pysche get destroyed in this process. But the damage is building, to be sure.

[jbnati]

AC - one thing to keep in mind. There is the possibility when your W makes a negative or discouraging comment that she is trying to convince herself she is on the right track.

Try to keep a PMA. Do this for your own benefit. If you are able to GAL, it will do wonders for your PMA.

If you try to finish everything as quickly as possible, will you feel you tried everything to save your M? Will you really be able to just move on in that case?

[Telemark]

What he said ^^^...

[any chance?]

I am working on establishing a PMA, to be sure. Not even close to one right now. Probably just the flurry of being back at home after the trip. The trip gave W time to build up her game plan, it would seem.

Meeting with her L on Monday. But first a trip to the museum and a show on Sunday. WTF. Note the capital letters.

PMA, GAL, DB, WTF. Got to get this alphabelt straight.

[any chance?]

that would be alphabet.....

[any chance?]

Confused.

Spent the weekend with W. Party with friends Friday, house and garden on Saturday, dinner Saturday night, big day on Sunday with museum, followed by a show. Sunday afternoon she mentioned several times how much fun she had. W got a bit melancholy on the way home on Sunday, staring out the car window. I tried to keep things light, no R talk, no pressure.

Today we have meeting with her L to start separation procedures. I will not sign anything until I have seen my own L.

We are living in the house, separate bedrooms, but beyond that, are spending time together, having dinners together, etc.

All this is happening while she is moving forward with her game plan of a D or S and moving out of state.

Is this good, or am I fiddling as Rome burns? Is she getting her cake and eating it too? Am I supposed to be aloof and distant, living my own life and ignoring hers? Or do I keep on being a steady nice guy, living my changes, GAL, letting her see what a new life would be like? Trust me, I am not saying a word about R or changes or emotions or anything. I am just showing that I am glad to be home, doing things around the house, relaxing and enjoying life.

Wish I knew how to know I am on the right path, or just fooling myself.

[Telemark]

"Am I supposed to be aloof and distant, living my own life and ignoring hers? Or do I keep on being a steady nice guy, living my changes, GAL, letting her see what a new life would be like?"

Right there with you, AC. Lately I am thinking this would be easier if my W were not in the same house; I feel like I have to monitor everything I do and say. And the "so close, yet so far away" feeling is very draining, not to mention that I no longer really look forward to going home.

The answer probably lies somewhere in the middle.

[any chance?]

Left the house very early. Time for me to get some work done.

W just called (why did she call? Who knows), sounding very tired and very low/depressed. She has been working on finances for the D or S. We are meeting with her L this afternoon.

She seems to be all over the emotional map. Wish I knew what I could do.

I do know that I am going to be hold my head high as I deal with the L, then I am going back to our house, work in the gardent, and cook the two of us a nice dinner. I am going to act as if this is not really happening, and that it is not going to ruin my life. My other option it to disappear and massively self medicate, but I am not going to do that. Not part of the GAl game plan.