"We all make mistakes, there are no degrees of mistake or bad choices really, just mistakes and bad choices"
Really Cat?
So intercourse with another person is the same as say, telling a little lie to your spouse?
We most certainly disagree there...
Yes we definately disagree...
Intercourse with another person is a LIE to you spouse, so yes it is most definately exactly the same...
Being completly honest, it wasn't my STBX's OWomen that hurt. It was the LIES that accompianed them that hurt.
It was the breaking of the most fundamental thing, his word, that is what did the damage...
I am not saying if he had TOLD me first that I would have been happy or accepting, but the ACTIONS showed the deceptions...
If they hadn't happened, I wouldn't have ever known he was LYING and THAT is what did the damage...
I spent years, being punished by him, for a mistake early on in our R. While we were dating, before we even thought about being married, I had a brief affair. I had my own crisis period. And then it wasn't just that I had done that, it was also that I had dated before I even met him that made me the worst person walking the face of the earth...
Because he couldn't forgive, because he felt SUPERIOR because he hadn't done what I did...until he did...and even then, he couldn't admit it, which just made the lies even worse...
That punishment, led to me having resentments of him. Led to me having fear that if I did ANYTHING he didn't like, that I would never live it down. Led to me trying to be a freakin' Stepford Wife, and even that wasn't good enough...
Hoops that I will never jump through again...
Wasn't fair to either of us...and things could really have been different if he had been able to be forgiving...
My STBX lives in Bittersville. He is in a sad state. He thought he found happiness with someone, however, something happened there and that has fallen apart as well, because there is no forgivness...
I feel for him...I really do...
Because he is going to be forever searching, forever feeling superior to people because he can't look at his own faults, his own stuff, because he can't be accepting of people.
Because he has a scale of perfection that NO ONE is ever going to be able to live up to.
Even if they jump through hoops trying.
SBH, I hope you find the person who is perfect. The person who will never in life, let you down. In any way, shape, or form, since you are such a wonderful man. Someone who will wear the rose colored glasses to look at you, that you seem to wear to look at yourself....
I hope you never need to be forgiven by someone and if you do, I hope that that person gives you the chance that you seem to be unwilling to give to them...
It isn't up to me to judge anyone...I choose to leave that to the man at the Pearly Gates...
If this is how you choose to live and what you choose to believe, I hope that you find what you need...
Good luck.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
