OK... 81 Days

[thatgirl007]

In response to SBH:

Listen guys and gals... I'm not angry at all. Honestly not one bit.

You definitely come across as very angry. The exclamation points, the tone, the hammering home your point. I know you say that you're not angry, but maybe possibly you should look a bit deeper.

Let me tell you all something about me. I was/am the more giving one in my M. Unlike Denver, I have few regrets with the way I treated my W the first 14 years of M. I treated my W like absolute gold. My W was not kind, giving, or pleasant to be around. From years 14-16 I disconnected.

So I ask you all, if I had an A at say year 10, should I be "respected", "understood", "soothed"?

I say NO, that an A is wrong. That if I'm unhappy I make it absolutly clear and move out.

You have a perspective, but I think that it is difficult for you to step outside of that perspective and see where other people are coming from. Denver's sitch, isn't your sitch and you can not paint him with the same brush. First, of all, as you stated, his wife was "unhappy, made it absolutely clear and moved out".

Furthermore, many people who have affairs because of the way they were treated/or how their spouses have changed, etc. do find sympathy, empathy and justification from society. Just surf the internet and take a look around. Affairs are rampant in our society and many people feel that they are justified in having them and are validated when they do. That's not my opinion, but it is reality.

I'm just saying that there is no justification for having an A. And I do not "respect", "see eye to eye with", or "understand" anyone that has an A for any reason, male or female. And it seems that on this site the LBS takes 90% of the blame for the WAS actions including having an A.

You don't need to defend your W to me Denver. I'm sure she is a lovely woman and just as sure you were a total a$$ in your M. But can we stop defending and finding justification for a S to have an EA/PA...

And herein lies the crux of the problem. You see, we are not telling Denver that he doesn't have a perspective, yet that is what you infer. We are not saying that he needs to understand, respect or see eye-to-eye with his W's affair. We are saying that if he wants to reconcile with his W, then he has to understand and respect her. His W is more than the sum total of her actions in the last six months. His W is the woman he married, the woman who stood by him through thick and thin for years. She is more than her mistakes. And when you can only see your W as a one-dimensional action, then you will never be in a place where you are able to reconcile with her. And that may be your journey, but it doesn't have to be Denver's.

FWIW, most of what you said about your M, could be said about mine. So, I can definitely understand how you feel.