M: I am doing good thanks. I am aware of the court date. I had no idea you had gotten a letter about nephew. My sister did tell me about the court date and I plan on calling them to tell them what is going on.
X: well I was wondering cause they said I would have a warrant
M: I think you should call them anyways
X: Oh I plan on it I calling them
M: Ok good. Either way I need to call them also so you call the court and I will call the PO.
X: so you did not get the letter?
M: Nope
X: So how did you know
M: like I said my sister told me I just didn’t know you had gotten one.
X: Do you remember the guys name
M: Nope
X: Well you spoke to him. You met him
M: That was over a year ago I couldn’t even pick the guy out on the street if I saw him. Either way you should call
X: I will I doubt your sister got a bench warrant
M: I don’t know what she got but I know she intents on paying the fine
X: Well I don’t have the money and obviously I can’t go to NJ to appear in court
M: Well call them I am sure you can get out of it
X: Yeah I said I will call I will take care of it myself. Talk to you later
M: Ok
We hung up. She was aggravated. I guess she figured I was being short and uncaring on the phone.
A few minutes later my buddy called from OK. We made some small chat and then he said
B: Well I got some stuff to tell you but I want you to be open minded and not react Ok?
M: If you are going to tell me X moved to Tulsa and is in a R with OM I already know
B: How the he!! Did you know that?
M: you are not my only contact.
B: Well yeah she moved in with him in Tulsa
M: yeah I know. She is dead to me buddy. I am sorry it came to this.
B: Well wait a minute I don’t want you going down this path. I want you to think clearly. She is D. She can date as she pleases.
M: Agreed and so can I.
B: yeah you can but I had a 20 minute conversation with her when you called her back that is why she hung up. I asked her if she had told you about OM. She said no. I asked her why? She said she did not want to hurt you anymore. I told her X, you are hurting him more by not saying anything. This is his closure. She then agreed I should tell you but she did not want to tell you. I asked her how she felt about her new R? She said she liked him but was roommates with him. That if she decided to see other people and he decided to see other people the apartment was such that they could do it and not be in each other’s way. So here is the convo between X and buddy
B: you know you are not done with X and he is not done with you. You guys will get back together because you love him and you know it. He is hurting and his world collapsed when you left. You took everything away from him you devastated him. I am sure he is angry but all that anger stems from hurt.
X: He hurt me to B. He hurt me first. I lost everything that was important to me. My family my career my friends my H B: yeah but you know what su&cks you could have had it all back. You still can. You left he didn’t. You left.
X: He forced me out. I was scared and I ran. I told him what I wanted what I needed and he did not give it to me. I told him that day on the kitchen I needed his mom out and he said flat out NO.
B: Because he is a man. You made him chose between his mother and his wife. You put him in an impossible position. You know something else he would have picked you every time. You asked him that in the tail end of a fight you had been having. And he reacted. You did not give him a chance to think. Men when faced with those decisions withdraw they need time to think to react. You gave him no time. You just ran.
X: I had to. I had to go. I had no other options. He forced me to leave
B: BS. He didn’t pack your bags. He didn’t load your truck. He didn’t move cross country. You did. It all happened in short order you gave him no time. The more you attacked the more he withdrew. You need to learn a little more about men. You guys had a great M and when you hit a wall instead of finding a way around it through it or under it you bailed. He went one way and you went another only he did not walk too far and then he came back to repair what he broke what he loved. You moved across the country and gave it no time. You did not meet him half way. I get that. But you can’t put that on his door step.
X: I lost everything. I lost it and I could not have gotten it back. He did not change it would have been the same thing. I couldn’t go back to that. X is a great talker, very smooth and he can talk anyone into anything. He could not have changed he is just slick.
B: I know he is. The smoothest talker I have ever met. Guess what? So are you.
X: No I am not
B: BS again and you know it B: Yes you are. Your body language your facial expression. You could have gotten anything out of him. That man loved you and still does, and so do you.
X: yeah but I don’t do it consciously
B: And neither does he. Look X, you had it all. Great guy who tried and tried to fix what he broke but you never gave him the chance. You never gave your M a chance. You filed. Your R, well you are trying to replace him and you and I both know where this will end.
X: You don’t think I thought about the D, you don’t think I struggled even after I filed. I did.
X: I will always love him I am just not in love with him.
B: Stupidest thing I have ever heard and you know it. You do love him. You guys hit a rock and you will both meet again of that I am sure you know it and I know it. Your path will cross again and you need to do some work. You know what you are doing. You are settling with OM. Plain and simple because your heart is with someone else and you know who that is. You and I know you will end up back together and you have made a mistake a big mistake but that is or you to live.
X: I lost him. He would never take me back now
B: You don’t know sh!t. You had him. It would have been a better M and better R because you both would have learned to deal with things differently. You always had a choice, and I believe you still do.
He said you could have heard a pin drop.
My response to my buddy.
I don’t see it buddy.
B: I will tell you this. This woman is going to hit rock bottom. You know what? She is heading that way already. Forgive with love and do not get stuck in anger and hate. It is not worth it. You will damage yourself and won’t heal properly. As sure as I am Buddy I know what I am telling you to be truth. Don’t do what I did with my X friend. It is a regret I carry around with me forever. It took me years to forgive her and I should have. I did not heal properly. You will get that phone call. Of that I am sure. Bank on it. You were there when I went down that road. You told me fight, climb the mountain, cross the river, walk through fire, and you do everything you can to save your M. Those words you told me 15 years ago. You walked through my misery holding my hand every step of the way. I did not get it until it was to late. Don’t make that mistake. Move on. Live your life. But let go of the anger and the hate. Forgive.
That was it. Time to heal and think. You know when you are healing? When they give you hope and you do not react.
One final note. While I was on the phone with buddy she called back. Twice. I did not answer it.
A few minutes later I get this text
X: If it wouldn’t be too much to ask. I need your sister’s phone number and address. Thanks
I did not respond I was still on the phone so I get another text about 30 minutes later
X: I gather ur not going to respond. Yet I don’t know why I am surprised. I’ll figure it out on my own. I should have known better than to ask u for help. Because of course it makes sense that I handle ex-nephews legal problems.
When I got off the phone I responded with a text M: I was on the other line so I couldn’t pick up. Sorry I missed your call but I realize it’s late so I won’t be calling back. As I told you on the phone I will be calling the courthouse tomorrow. Don’t worry about the court date I will attend. My sister’s number is XXX-XXX-XXXX
X: Well that’s not what us said on the phone. You were unhelpful and just said u didn’t know anything. I expect nothing from you. I will take care of it myself.
M: I said I would call on the phone. Anyways…..Goodnight
X: Anyways…U were a jerk. I was not being nasty with you
30 minutes later I responded
M: I was addressing your concern I told you I would help you take care of it. I don’t think I was being a jerk. Goodnight.
