New - HELP! Tried the 180/Last Resort & Failed

[AloneAt35]

Hi Shannon and 25,

Thanks for the support. This was one of the roughest days - it helps to have some feedback. I see that I could have done better, but I did okay.

God it hurts to be battling my best friend this way - to truly recognize the man he has become. The abject loss of decency...three months ago this would have been unthinkable.

Shannon, regarding being dropped from his insurance, I don't have a leg to stand on - the decision was acted on before he even called me and I have no legal rights since we moved to a non-common-law state. He HAD promised to keep me on till the end of the year but he hasn't kept a single promise yet, still this one hurt because going to the therapist every two weeks is the only break I get. Shannon, please don't say you're scared for me, that scares me more! Today ex-partner laughed at me for saying that someday I would get a car - literally laughed at me.

I could have been more ambitious, but I never caused him any financial hardship - he earns six figures after taxes and we lived so humbly (by choice). The man had me baking bread - literally baking his bread...with extra flax - and I loved doing it because I love(d) him. He never so much as bought me a pair of shoes (because I never asked him to). It hurt to hear him paint me as some kind of freeloader.

25yearsmlc, thank you for teaching me how to validate without agreeing. I love this: "If I had it to do over, I'd do lots of things differently"... Its a great statement, and in my case, its true, but I have to realize that its unlikely I'll have the opportunity.

What matters is that this morning, he called to fight - so cocky, so cold, and so sure that he owed me nothing that his voice actually scared me - but by the end of the conversation, HE was the one sounding unsure of the righteousness of what he had done and apologizing, and tonight he sent an email with info about COBRA plans that ended with the words "Sorry again."

25yearsmlc, I wish I could believe what you say about the OW. At this point, having the man I knew occasionally in my life even as a friend...heck, just even having him revisit his body periodically...would be a DB "success" for me. But hope is too painful (ironically, having no hope is even more painful).

I read the Laura Munson article before I even discovered DBing...I tried her technique of saying "I don't believe you" - boy was the result a hailstorm of hate. I'm afraid that ex-partner almost had me committed at that point for being in "denial." So now I believe him...he doesn't love me right now and probably hasn't for a long time. I have to learn to live with that.