Well so far everyone's advice has been pretty bang on. You all have been warning me to be prepared for tough days... And today came along. I can't say that it has been a tough day for me because of anything my wife has or hasnt done or said though, it seems I am my own worst enemy.
When you see change and you are aware of your actions, YES, you CAN become your worst enemy. Key here though is at least you are aware. The 100% of people who are NOT aware, never change. Look into why you feel the way YOU do...stand back up, dust yourself off, and keep moving forward.
Originally Posted By: Johnnieno1
I have been in a funk at work all day. I think I know why... Last night I lost my kool with the kids in front of my wife. Every night it's the same thing at bedtime... They drag out the time when I tell them it's their bedtime, it's really frustrating. (thanks Michelle... If it docent work try something different).
I don't have kids, but you are absolutely correct in saying that you have identified what isn't working and willing to keep changing it until you find SOMETHING that works. Just remember you were a kid once, too.
Originally Posted By: Johnnieno1
I am starting to find myself questioning as to wether she is truly going out with the girls or something else. I have always had complete faith in her and never believed that she would cheat on me, but my insecurity now makes me question that.
Trust your gut. Your gut, that deep feeling that something is wrong, more than likely is true. Takes her wedding ring off, drops 2 bombs on you, and MANY other signals suggest that she could be involved with someone else. However, unless you WANT to do some "mild" snooping and be hurt. Don't. Not yet. Just keep in tune with yourself and trust your gut. Concentrate on controlling your Anger first. You are a work in progress.
Originally Posted By: Johnnieno1
Should I encourage her to go out? should I say nothing? Or should I just say "have a good time" and pretend to be happy for her? Sometimes I get the feeling that she is testing me on this... Could that be possible? Or am I just jealous that her friends are taking away my quality time with my best friend?
Do not encourage her. Don't tell her to have a good time. You are jealous, because you are changing and your "internal" red flag is up. Anything you say or do at this point is going to look like pursuing, control, or jealousy. Just say "Ok" and walk away. This is where I want you to get dressed up in your new duds, with some cologne on, and take a CAB and disappear for awhile. You need to do the same thing she is. You need to channel your energy from her and "Show" you are going to go do your own thing too. Show independence, not dependence.
Originally Posted By: Johnnieno1
I also have been questioning myself today as to whether the plan is working or, if I am just choosing to believe it is. Are her seemingly good moods because of my actions or are they because she thinks that I have accepted her decision to split and that is easier for her to not feel as guilty...
Go read Sandi's post and the LIST again. Follow it letter for letter. I'm sure 25mlc and Sandi will chime in, but Sandi was in a position that your Wife is right now at one point. LISTEN TO HER. Don't give in to what you feel.
Yes, because of your awareness you are insecure. However, it's normal, you are NO different from countless others. You also are changing and understanding your short comings. Thats huge.
Originally Posted By: Johnnieno1
I also have been wondering why she hasn't told her family what is happening yet? Is it because she is afraid of what they will tell her? Or is it because she is not sure of her decision? Or is it because it was her way of making a last ditch effort to make me see her points and work harder to change my ways. All these questions have been tormenting me today...
Stop wondering (easier said than done) If she's hiding something from you, she's hiding it from them. IF she is involved with something that "Should not be" she's hiding everything from everybody, because she doesn't want to be judged.
