How have you engaged in the marriage in more than a superficial way for many years?
Clearly disengagement and apathy (neither of which is the same as detachment) has not worked to change anything. Perhaps it is time for one of you to do something different, and you only control yourself.
A clear DB principle is: STOP doing what isn't working. You've been doing what is not working for years, and seem determined to continue doing so.
A strong, direct, clear discussion in which you honestly express your thoughts and feelings in a non-needy way has VERY little to do with the desperate, clingy, needy, enmeshed, overly-egotistical kind of pursuit that MWD warns against.
