This was exactly what I needed to get going with my goals.
I had been having this nagging feeling, like I had been giving a little too much attention to one particular area of my life and was out of balance with some other areas.
Maybe (actually no doubt about it) this was a little divine intervention getting me to move in the direction I needed to go.... I can be a stubborn person and wasn't moving and I even KNEW it!
I have been ignoring that little voice in my head telling me I have things a bit misaligned.
I just love your suggestion to send shark lady to you....you would have a feast!! She just looks like a "sharklady"!! Out for blood......and doesn't care who gets in the way.....
I think actually I was feeling more overwhelmed by the bankruptcy stuff then even he was and it was making me way too over sensitive.....
So staying a little mad is good for me?
I guess it will keep me detaching a bit and thus keep my focus on me and my goals instead of him......
I was very surprised at myself for how calm but comfortable with this weekend I was...almost like I wanted it to be this way so I could focus on ME!!
I enjoyed the time on friday and saturday...it felt like freedom....not to have to consider him!!!
By the time I was back from getting coffee...and just the realization that I was going to GET coffee made me feel better ...(I'm such a grouch when I don't)...I was feeling better.
I guess it just hit me as I walked in the door ...I really have no choice but to just accept it and be hopefull and maybe if I can just toss it off, It won't be such a big deal.......
What I think really happens is I get caught in this thing in my head that says he's not going to be happy with something( whatever I did or did not do or say) Then I start worrying about that.....Then I get worried I can't control what's going to happen...I start predicting bad things and then the feelings of dread come and I get overwhelmed and I get wrapped up in thinkng about that instead of what I need to be focusing on which is ME and being positive.......I fail to see that this is just a "reaction formation" which is a fancy way to say:
Making the thing you fear the most come about....
Comes from feelings of insecurity like I've screwed up and there's no return...... Very unrealistic.....
So what did I do???
I did exactly as you said...just acted as if this was like any other weekend......
I called him and left him a message, " I was hoping he was going to call me, but I guess he must have been busy...so call me when you can, I'm going to be here the next few hours before running out"....Let's him know I wanted to hear from him , but I did have other things to do and understood if he hadn't called me.....
He IS turned on by the idea of me doing my own thing.....I can see it plain as day....but he also wants me close...which is all nice....
He called about 1 on sunday and said he had called three times on saturday and I could tell he was a bit put off that I hadn't been around......HE had been in bed all day on saturday, with a migraine and now wanted to know what "we" should do today??..... I said how about church, dinner and a little TV tonight...I have to get ready for a big day on monday...and I would come down and get into bed with him.. He was still not feeling well when I got there so we skipped church and stayed in...had a good evening....lots of laughs and convo...WE COOKED TOGETHER!! OMG Then off I went this morning to my interview...and then to take Laural back....and Gabe came with us!...We had really good convo in the car those two together are a hoot, they get so into talking about things!
I had to make two more trips to the grocery store with her before goodbye, can you see who my little pissant is?? and then had a good trip home...
I Called Dr. K from town and said I was on my way through town and he said, "Come by, let's have dinner and talk about our day!++++
So Gabe dropped me off and Dr. K and I had dinner and watched the news, then I took the jeep back back out to the house...his idea+++.....I wasn't going to stay over again!...I HAVE THINGS TO DO!!! HAHA
My challenge is to listen to that little voice inside and focus on my goals more.......
BIG BIG HUGS!! to you BRUCE....you are too nice to be a Bruce!!
