At risk of sounding arrogant and seeming as if I have not learned much I KNOW this is going to happen. Without a single doubt of my fiber, I KNOW it will be so. That is not the part that saddens me. You know what does? That I will NOT. It is to bad.
Originally Posted By: MichelleLT
That was the actions of someone who was keeping their options open.
You know Michelle you have been with me for a long time. I could never repay you. You have hit me with hammers you have hugged me when I needed it. You have kept me grounded and lifted me when I needed it. A lot of good things have been said by you and many others. On occasion a light goes off. An awakening of sorts, it is a light that leads you out of the confusion and darkness and what is funny to me is that usually it is the easiest of phrases that does it. I remember something 25 said to me. Something so simple a child could understand. “her actions are not confusing her words might me but her actions are clear. She divorced you” all of a sudden it all made sense. Your comment above is such a comment. The actions of someone who was keeping her options open. Not good enough for me. To be looked at as a backup plan, well it just does not cut it. Not to me.
Originally Posted By: Scylla_Charibdis
All I can tell you 2step is to figure out what the worst fear is, and face it down compassionately within yourself.
Trust. Faith. Love. How do you know when you start? How do you know 10 yrs in, 15yrs, 20, 30. I know my level of commitment. How do I know theirs?
Originally Posted By: BeTheMan
2Step - I have not read all your posts, but have read some.
Sometimes I think I must be the only man in the world who sees divorce as such a big thing as I do. I wouldn't have stuck around here for almost 6 years (off and on) if my marriage and family didn't mean so much me. But after reading just your most recent thread, I realize that there is a man who cares more. You.
I am amazed at your heart, sincerity and emotion. I really can't find a way to express my thoughts. I have read literally thousands of posts here, but have never before been so blown away by those of one person. We have never met and never will, and I only know some of your story, but you are the most courageous, compassionate person I have ever not had the pleasure of meeting.
You are an inspiration. Not to dbing. To living. I question if there is a God. But if there is one, you are what he must have intended a man to be.
I don’t even know what to say. My eyes filled with tears when I read this. Am I worthy of such words? Am I? I will tell you something BTM, she called tonight. It went to VM, I was tied up when she called. This post, these words gave me the strength to listen to the message. Thank You.
Voicemail:
X: Hey it’s me I am sorry to bother you but I just have a question for you but I got something in the mail today I don’t know if you got it to in regards to nephew. When he got arrested when he was with us I have to call them because if I don’t appear in court by June 16th since nephew gave them my name I am going to have a bench warrant out for my arrest. I just need to discuss it with you if you can give me a call back when you get a chance I would appreciate it. Hope everything is going good. Give me a call thanks.
What she is referring to is when my nephew stayed with us last year he was arrested for smoking pot. He gave them my W’s number since he knew she would not kill him like I would. After I found out he went to OK to my sister’s house. He broke the rules he paid the price. At the time my X tried talking me out of it, my response to her. “it is unfair to you and to me to take on this burden but mainly to you. He is my nephew and I have to deal with it but you should not have to. He is my sister’s responsibility, he broke the main rule and he knew the price. You do enough with D, no need to take on my sister’s kids as a burden also.”
Two weeks later he was in OK.
I know I have to call her back. I will. Honestly. For the first time in months I do not want to.
