my heart is breaking

[kermitdfrog]

Either I am too sentimental or my husband is cold as ice.

Why is it that everything makes me cry? My daughter came over tonight to have a "family dinner" with my son and I. We used to call it that after the kids grew up and went off to college, grad school, etc. We would plan dinners at home together every so often. All 4 of us under one roof and eating together at the table, like we did while they were growing up. Many times we would end the evening with a board game or cards. I always felt lucky that our kids loved spending time with us, even as they became teenagers and young adults. I treasure those memories.

So tonight we did that. Without their dad. Staring at his empty chair at the table. It hurts so much! Even going through cabinets to get cooking utensils, etc., brings memories. The rolling pin we use every year to make gingerbread men (yes, even my husband and kids in their early 20s! We do it every year!) The casserole dishes I've used a million times making dinner for my beloved family. Special dishes that were wedding gifts, almost 28 years ago. I cannot tell you how much everything in this house hurts.
I let my dogs outside and see the fire pit on the patio. Still containing a half burned log from a romantic night sitting by the fire with my husband while we were "working" on our marriage.
The stenciled words on our kitchen wall, "Home is where your story begins..."
The lamp my husband's employer (at the time) bought for me for making my husband come into work for Mothers' Day several years ago. (See a pattern here?) My husband has always been a workaholic. But I always felt loved. Until now.

I apologize for the trip down memory lane, but living in this house is so painful! My husband is removed from anything painful. He doesn't live with the memories. He doesn't see our kids' pain. He no longer attends our church, the one we took our vows in. The one our son was baptized in (our daughter was baptized while we lived out of town),the one both kids were confirmed in.

To make matters worse, I have briefly talked to him a couple times in the last couple days, just about household business. And he just seems so perky, and even when I mentioned that the kids and I were having dinner together, it didn't seem to phase him. I am always very careful not to say it in a "rub it in" kind of way. Just a casual mention if it fits in the conversation. But he seems so unconcerned. And lately he almost seems happy, now that he is "getting rid of" his mom. She will be going into a nursing home as soon as this weekend. Although she needs to, it just seems to be my husband's way of solving stress. Just get rid of a person. Like he is doing with me.

Anyway, I need advice on something. My kids are thinking of doing an "intervention" type of thing. Going out to dinner with their dad and trying to talk him into trying in the marriage again. For them. I asked my counselor what he thought, and he said it probably wouldn't work, but it is not a bad idea. As long as they don't take on "my voice" because he will tune them out if they sound like me. But I am a bit nervous about the whole idea.

I want to thank everyone for their posts. I have had a lot of encouragement, and it really helps a lot. Thank you so much.

25yearsmlc, yes I have seen an attorney.
Also, yes, I read that article. I believe I mentioned in my other thread that I really liked it and wish I had handled things that way.
As far as the 180s, I would say the fact that I no longer call or initiate contact is a change. Also, the seducing, for sure. And I would say the fact that I am handling so many things without him. I was always rather dependent on him for stereotypical "man" things, and now I am doing them alone. And he is aware. (I even took our son to buy his first car. Should have been his dad, but we did a great job)
The last couple of phone calls, I made sure I ended the call before him. Sometimes, though, he doesn't say "I love you" which scares me. But as you said, 25yearsmlc, I've got to stop analyzing everything. You were right on about that. I do that too much. My husband always said I was too negative, even during this journey, but I was right! My fear came true! But I do have to get a grip...

Anyway, thanks everybody for reading my long posts. It just feels good to get my feelings out. Like a journal. I am still trying to figure out how a previously wonderful man can suddenly cease to have feelings, and decide to just "get rid of" a person! A human being they supposedly loved. Cast aside like a piece of trash. It blows my mind.

Thanks for reading.