A "squash phase".lol. I can see myself doing that!
Oh boy--the BIG QUESTION.
What do I want w/H...
Yes, a peaceful R. And, if I could handle it, more. I worked terrifically hard. Wow--did I work hard.
You rather eluded to what would happen if your H did this ever again. See, I'm in that spot--my H did it again. What would you do??
And you also said the path to reconsiliation must be laid by the LB and it must be an easy one (you were posting somewhere over on newcomers--I look for your posts.lol)
My H had some legitimate complaints that first time.
I laid the path. I got him back. I know EXACTLY what you are saying. The work is the LB's, but it's empowering to do it. Doing that work makes me endlessly proud of myself.
So the second time I am ashamed to admit but...I lost my patience I guess. I just looked at him after the whole ILYBNIL spew and....checked out emotionally of the R. Started to think of myself. And didn't feel guilt at all.
Dreamed of what I wanted to be/do/accomplish. Began a bucket list after hearing a sermon on doing that.
I'm very spiritual now. And my H is...I don't know what he is. But he is rebellious and full of drama and crazy schemes and ideas (yours wanted to go to Alaska, mine Australia).lol.
He's smart, good looking, well educated, funny, charming, generous...
And cruel, abusive, impatient, perfectionistic,...
ugh.
And I can't get rid of the parts I don't want and keep the parts I do, can I.lol.
H filed this time in Aug (he never filed the first time) and I went out, had fun, it was NO ACT let me tell you. And my H made noise like he'd made a mistake and kept saying "this is so ridiculous".
But I was GONE 25. I just don't know if that is a character defect or survival but...after I got male attention elsewhere (and don't get me wrong--NOTHING happened) I was just in another world.
His L made the errors. My L said it was fair to ask his L to pay the fees. I thought I'd made my last payment to her, but...her acct. or someone sent me this rather unpleasant email saying I needed to send her $4000 more dollars (paying for incurred costs and a deposit.)
I have 1 more week of school and then I'll have the energy to deal with this stuff with the Ls. I am just dealing with so much right now--My dad would have been so helpful. But he died in Sept.
I can't see a way back now, with all that has happened. I had such a clear picture the first time--this time, with the no-contact and him getting worse (more violent), I just can't envision it.
Yeah, thanks for not making "no hitting" a baby step!!
