To H3ll and Back

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I wanted to applaud you and your H for being a team! Yay you guys!

I'm so glad to hear that the OW moved away too. Looking back, I wish I could have been a person who could have just sent that OW crawling back under her rock far away from me every single time she came into my mind. In our case it was a 4 1/2 year PA that started when we'd been married for 2 years. I'm really good at sensing things, I figure out where most movies are going quickly, I know people, etc, etc but I never for one second saw what was going on under my nose. That my H had any ability let alone willingness to keep tiny secrets was unfathomable to me, we shared everything, we were very best friends, we had a great marriage. Well, no, not exactly. That blew my mind so much and destroyed my confidence so much that I just had to know everything, hunt down every microscopic hint that I'd missed, etc, etc, etc. So I got told some dreadful things like my dear H gave me an anniversary card and later the same day signed a lease for their "home". All of that never led me to stop loving him but I could not see how it was humanly possible to ever trust him again and worse I couldn't trust myself to comprehend my own reality. Deciding to try to piece our marriage together was the greatest act of blind faith I have ever undertaken because I truly could not see that there was a path possible much less that we could find it.

Fast forward 12, yes, 12 years. Many, many wonderful memories later, barely a twinge about the OW ever, issues to work out? sure, but we can do it.

One very important thing that I learned was that I won his heart back long before he ended the relationship and I suspect the same is true for you because you guys are already a team! How did I do it? Because I really was his best friend all the way through with all my faults, which I've worked on best as I can, I was more supportive when he lost his job, I worked hard to save our house during a flood, etc, etc and I'm a better cook I bet you are a best friend too and all you really have to do is to keep being his best friend.

So, as a veteran, I'm here to tell you: Every time that OW comes into your mind, send her back to where ever she moved. Every time those bad times come into your mind, send them back to the past, see, they are gone Spend your precious life finding as many creative ways as you can to nurture yourself and express love. And if you get lost or overwhelmed, get over it and forgive yourself as quickly as you can and get back to your real life.