"Even after quite a lot of therapy that is something I haven't been able to break through. There was a time where I made a pretty good start at it..."

Sounds to me like you are getting back to your good start and getting close to moving forward again :-)

This is the best thing for you and your R.

And, FWIW, being withholding in the way you are PREVENTS Gabe from having the opportunity to love you in a deeper way. It is a roadblock to intimacy.

Best,
Oldtimer