it MAY be his LL....and he wants to return so he's not running away EXCEPT for quickie sex visits
and it gives him something to miss when not at home. This isn't an every night deal....how does cutting him off remind him of the great sex they aren't having? She talks about it?
he's not "Getting it" most of the time
You say men just want sex...so if they aren't getting any...then...????
If the sex is good in a m, you tell me, would a man leave a w when they have good sex, if there NO batchit going on, OR weird depression/MLC, OR an OW....?
This is part of why my h's MLC so confused me...it was like, "hey things are GOOD between us. What's going on?" His MLC was wacky as heck, and he was controlling as heck, thinking I'd "cave in & follow" (his words).
After awhile, I did not see the upside of cutting him off. Especially since he lived away from home and the visits were my only face to face DB time.
Denver, how can she "remind" him of what he'll miss if he doesn't come home, by not having sex? I don't get that.
But I had a friend who advised me to "cut him off!!" (Sometimes I think she meant it literally... )
That same woman friend is the one who I discussed the breakthrough my h had at Retrovaille. This was a year into our piecing and we went and got A LOT out of it.
On the last day when I already felt the weekend was good, h broke down and showed deep profound remorse for his actions. I really got, that he GOT IT", you know? He cried hard and that's a rare event for him. His words were very moving to me.
I told my friend this, as I expected her to be so moved. She said, "did you tell him how LONG he had been doing that and how YOU had warned him and that's lucky you didn't blah blah blah rub it in his face???"..
I couldn't believe her inability to forgive (or just shut up)....
she was the same one to say "cut him off" and I see her in a different light now.
I never ask her for advice on marriage either...So I'm always wary of people who cut off the spouses sexually. HOWEVER if an OW or OM is present, that could be a totally different story,
and like they say, no matter what, it's an intensely personal decision.
The cow analogy for singles is for me what made sense.
How does it apply to this situation? She's married to him and he wants back into the relationship...
Once I was in a loving R, I was sexually HD and did not hide it. I never had trouble with a man not wanting a commitment, (in fact, the opposite- as I married early, reluctantly)
but here, her h wants back in. he's not running away and SHE is the one with the "power" now.
As usual, when the WAS wants back in, and it's up to the LBSer who has done a lot of work on herself, she is cautious....very cautious...and has the upper hand for now.
Use it wisely.
And don't worry about deciding this or who you'll "go with". T, We are all saying it's up to you and no one will judge or harass.
WE just want you to be happy and not somehow screw up the recovery of your marriage.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
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