Denver, I really do think you are beginning to get some insight into what your wife is going through.
I will say one thing. It's obvious to me that she loves you to death because she cares what you think. She cares that you've found out about her continued interactions with OM. She cares that you've pulled back. She cares about every single thing you do and every word you say. Every action she makes is because of you. You are the still center of her universe.
She does not know how to put herself first properly. The OM is an escape from the way you made her feel for all of those years, but what she doesn't get, is that she never should have allowed you to make her feel that way in the first place. She does not know how to stand on her on own two feet...and she will always be operating out of fear and desperation until she can get to the place where she understands her own value and her own worth - and learns to place herself as a top priority in her own life.
This will not happen overnight - and it definitely will take time if she hasn't even expressed a logical, practical knowledge of her own value.
The very first thing she has done to even begin to move toward figuring it out for herself is asking for the month of June - without any of you - so that she can get out of the emotions of everything and get down to the business of being alone and sorting out her feelings and emotions - about herself.
When she gets to a place where she is never going to let you - or anybody else - mistreat her so fundamentally ever again, when she is strong enough to stand up and say, "Love me, respect me and treat me as if I am of value, or leave me alone", that is the time when she will be back to the reliable, honest, and loving person you knew her to be.
And the very best thing you can do for her - and yourself - is treat her as if she is of worth and value from this moment on. I don't mean to tell her that you believe she is of worth and value, but to treat her as if she is...
Me: 33, H: 32 M: 12 years T: 13 years No kids D-Day: 7/2009 Separated: 10/12/10 Future Unknown GITS
"There's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark." - Adele
