OK... 81 Days

[Denver_2010]

Cat -

"I hesitated to post this because I don't usually get this personal on the boards anymore...

I have to say that Thatgirl's post, helped me to realize exactly why it is I have push you so hard...

You remind me, of my STBXH, in many many ways. Mostly in the way that you made your W feel..."

It is okay. Thank you for your honesty. The perspective that you, 25, and TG007 have offered me over the past month has been invaluable.

Why? BC I NEED to understand my W's perspective... I NEED to understand the depth at which I have hurt her... If I don't, I am doomed to repeat my mistakes... either with W or with someone else.

That is the last thing that I want. Really.

Keep pushing me... keep giving me the truth.

"It may not seem like it, but your W, is giving you an opportunity to really begin to show her that it won't be the same...

You can't show her that by acting superior because you have done some work and you think she hasn't, bullying, smothering, or expecting her to believe you in just six short months..."

Slowly... very slowly... this is getting through my thick skull.

I agree with this... I do.

But... I have to have the boundary that I set with her. You may not agree with it, I don't know. But it is something that I feel that I need to have.

"Trust me, she may not seem like she is doing anything to you but having an A, but it sure seems like she is trying to figure out if she believes that she is really lovable..."

I think that THIS is probably the most accurate statement of my w's actions that has been made... or that I have thought of.

I am literally disgusted with myself when I think of how I put my W in a position where she needed to figure that out.

"It took you a long time to create your end of this mess...

It is going to take her a long time to see that it doesn't have to be the same..."

Yup.

Thanks again Cat.

Denver