I do have a few thoughts and I will try to make it short.
A couple of things to consider about my response 1) I am in the position of trying to reconcile with my son so maybe my responses are impacted by this and 2) I still have moments of anger toward STBXW(okay so I hope she gets hit by a bus…just kidding), that said.....
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I want to get out of the way as much as I can……..
Sometime I wonder if this is just us being tired of their bull. Tired or not, I do agree that you must get out of the way but as parents I think the manner in which we must do this is a very slippery and gentle slope.
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In short I don’t want to give her anymore ammunition to load her “blame me” gun. I know I will get blamed no matter what, however I really desire my words, deeds and actions to be pure.
Personally, anything you do will place you in the blame me gun but you know this, so WHY do you always feel the need to be so polite and cordial. I get that you want to be civil and want to be a gentlemen but really man sometime ya just have to call it the way you see it. Your actions will be pure…just being real and honest.
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I do hope that one day the “fog” will lift from her eyes, not so that we can reconcile but rather be able to really move on or move forward as partners in raising our children.
Remember this quote ^^^^….it is the basis of my ultimate response.
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I feel that even though we are now divorced, I can not be her friend or be friendly with her while she is in MLC.
Friend…probably not and maybe never…Personally, I think you can be friendly with some firm boundaries.
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My hopes are that the less I am around her the less I interact with her the more likely she will start to look at herself and see that she is the source of her own pain.
Hmmmm….think about this for one sec. Yeah, yeah, DB has taught us to detach well….Here is my concern with this statement….1) nothing you do, not do, planned to do, almost did, nothing is really going to “help”, “push”, “force” or any other word you want to use; look at herself any faster if at all. Personally, I think we ALL need to realize that we just need to live our lives. Let them completely GO. I mean, not even think about if or when or how or what could help….them look at themselves.
So I would be around her as often as I felt like it. Period. No “not being around her in any attempt or hope that she looks at herself”. Maybe I am misunderstanding what you are trying to say here – I think I did BUT if I didn’t well…
In terms of the whole sitch...let me ask you a question….
Do you want YOUR D to have a R with your XW?
Are the actions that you are doing HELPING or Hurting? By actions I mean PUTTING your GF in the position to EVEN have to respond to your D.
Personally, it would not have been an option for my GF nor for my D. It would have been….”Your mother (lying slut whore that she is – sorry just kidding…I figured I would inject a little humor here) and I will be attending.
To D I would have said...I understand how you feel about your mother but she is still your mother and she should be a part of this very special day.
MHL, bottom line…IMO, your XW should go! I understand how your D may feel BUT YOU can show her a better way, you can show her TRUE forgiveness, YOU can show her that although parents/people make mistakes…they should not have to pay for them for the rest of their life – that includes YOUR XW.
As for the GF….I’m sure you will understand…Heck….after all….she does get to be with LORD OF THE RINGS!
Oh…and the blame that your XW throws your way i.e. you kept me out of the hospital…well that is just bull and you know it. It does NOT though mean that she SHOULD not be a part of her D life.
Ask yourself one more question………
If you were “distant” with your D for whatever reason…what would you like for the other parent to do?
You’re in a tough one Bro….I love ya like a brother so know that I will support you in whatever you decide.
I leave you with this....Be a man..and be a father…..BOTH must make TOUGH CHOICES……
Do what is right for YOUR D...not just NOW...but for the rest of her life.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
