IDK TG, Marlo Thomas always seemed to keep Don Hollinger at bay.
Seriously, I was a walking hormone when it came to my w. " I wanted her all the time, but since all this went down and when she came back last July, I was ALOT better and am better now with my LIbido. It really is trying to do the right thing. I always thought that women could be Sex camels and go months without it.
We even slept in the same bed a couple of months ago and Sex was on my mind but I pushed it out because it would not be good for the sitch.
If you guys are piecing though, maybe its OK. I think one of the femals on this board can advise you better as you know how guys are in this area.
9
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
Then, he put the moves on me and what can I say? I am weak when it comes to this.
So, I don't know what that means. How do you take things slow when you can't control your hormones? This, I haven't mastered and I have serious doubts of whether I will master it in my lifetime.
But we do start C next week Tuesday and he did agree to retrouvaille in August, so we shall see.
Control your hormones?
I don't think that was really the problem...
It sounds like you got a little bit of emotional attention that you want...
Sex starts in the brain, not the body, believe it or not...
If you can handle it, without attaching anything to it...
Then I would say go for it...
Not sure that is the case though...
You are justifying by saying it just happened, you are weak, and that you are starting counseling next week...
You are wondering what it means..
And it COULD mean a ton, or it COULD mean that you had a good time for a few minutes (hopefully a little longer than that)...
What if you don't reconcile, even with the counseling...
How are you going to feel about it then? About yourself?
Those are the things I would be thinking about, that I did think about when faced with that decision...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
You know, I really don't know what it means. Will I feel bad about myself if we don't reconcile after having done this? Honestly? No, I won't. Not for a minute.
But I still don't know what it means.
9 - Months? Really? I really am not the camel type at all. Never have been, never will be.
Cat - Honestly, I don't think I can even handle talking to my H without attaching something to it - good, bad or neutral. But do I think that it means that we are going to reconcile and things are going to be great? No, not at all.
I don't think I was justifying by saying that I am weak. I think I am admitting/owning up to the fact that I am weak in this area. And I didn't mean for the counseling bit to come across that way. I am actually hoping that next week Tuesday, C can give me some insight into this and possibly a sense of direction, sexually.
Emotionally and spiritually, I feel steady and secure in knowing who I am, knowing what I want and knowing what I can and can't accept. Sexually...sometimes my body vetoes my thoughts. I'm just keeping it real.
The question that I need to answer is: Is it okay to have sex with my H, even though we are separated and I am not ready for him to move back in? Is it okay to have sex with my H, even though I am not sure that we will reconcile?
It was a lot easier to answer this question when he didn't want to come home!
Right now, my answer is: I don't know.
And I like knowing :S
Me: 33, H: 32 M: 12 years T: 13 years No kids D-Day: 7/2009 Separated: 10/12/10 Future Unknown GITS
"There's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark." - Adele
The question that I need to answer is: Is it okay to have sex with my H, even though we are separated and I am not ready for him to move back in? Is it okay to have sex with my H, even though I am not sure that we will reconcile?
My response to you is not going to be NEARLY as profound as your post was on my thread TG007. For that I apologize.
I'm going to give you the caveman male answer to your question:
NO. Ever heard of the saying... 'never buy the cow if you can get the milk for free'
If not... think about it.
For you it is about the emotional connection... For him? It is about the sex.
Who is likely to get hurt by having sex during your S? YOU.
Who is likely to be drawn closer to you if there is NO sex during S? Yup... Your H.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
The question that I need to answer is: Is it okay to have sex with my H, even though we are separated and I am not ready for him to move back in? Is it okay to have sex with my H, even though I am not sure that we will reconcile?
Right now, my answer is: I don't know.
I read somewhere in DB readings that even though men don't first relate sex to emotion, they do say 24 hours later. I have also had great advice from 25 in that its a personal choice and no man didn't return home for the great sex he isn't having.
I have asked myself this and I continue to have sex with my H when I want it, not just when he does. Fortunately, everytime he does, I do. Yes, sometimes after I wonder should I have done that? In the end, its a personal choice that if you can perhaps think it may create a connection but if not, it was just a good time that you enjoyed.
I believe for me its both every time so far. Use that opportunity to see if it works if you want, again, personal choice. I am one who can't go two weeks without it (even separated)...but that's me! I have more encounters with my H then happily married friends it seems.
I personally don't know how others out here can go that long, but I give them credit!
H:41 W:44 D1:19 D2:17 S:13 D3:7 T:20 M:18 Bomb:1/5/11 Sep:2/18/11 No D filed yet; just threats
First, it's a very personal matter and no one can tell you what to do. If you can handle it, meaning not feel horrible later, that's key.
I don't know men who go back to women for the great sex they NEVER had.
For my h and I, sex was a strength in our m, and it helped him feel very connected. His LL is physical affection.
I wanted to contrast life here, with what he had in the tundra. So the home was "warm and loving" and sunny, inside and out here.
It's personal and if you can't, you can't.
But if you can, don't feel bad or let someone tell you that you're being used.
The cow analogy is for singles...if ML was a strength in your m, and it's good between you in bed, you are giving him something to miss when he's gone.
Sometimes I think we have to go with what feels natural in the moment & trust. Just my .02. BTW It was my DB coach who said, "there's no one right answer to this".
YOU decide.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I mean, what's stopping you? Is there some OW? If not, are you saying that sex is a "reward" for coming home? But he wants to come home...
You know, I have not read your whole thread so I'll stop for now.
I highly recommend Retrovaille, btw. Excellent.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
