You know, I really don't know what it means. Will I feel bad about myself if we don't reconcile after having done this? Honestly? No, I won't. Not for a minute.
But I still don't know what it means.
9 - Months? Really? I really am not the camel type at all. Never have been, never will be.
Cat - Honestly, I don't think I can even handle talking to my H without attaching something to it - good, bad or neutral. But do I think that it means that we are going to reconcile and things are going to be great? No, not at all.
I don't think I was justifying by saying that I am weak. I think I am admitting/owning up to the fact that I am weak in this area. And I didn't mean for the counseling bit to come across that way. I am actually hoping that next week Tuesday, C can give me some insight into this and possibly a sense of direction, sexually.
Emotionally and spiritually, I feel steady and secure in knowing who I am, knowing what I want and knowing what I can and can't accept. Sexually...sometimes my body vetoes my thoughts. I'm just keeping it real.
The question that I need to answer is: Is it okay to have sex with my H, even though we are separated and I am not ready for him to move back in? Is it okay to have sex with my H, even though I am not sure that we will reconcile?
It was a lot easier to answer this question when he didn't want to come home!
Right now, my answer is: I don't know.
And I like knowing :S
Me: 33, H: 32 M: 12 years T: 13 years No kids D-Day: 7/2009 Separated: 10/12/10 Future Unknown GITS
"There's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark." - Adele
