A New Chapter Begins

[MHL]

I am in need of some advice yet again my friends, so once again I come to the fountain for a drink.

As most of you know my D14 has no relationship with my XW and my D14 recently came out of the hospital for thoughts of suicide over the whole situation. My D14 is doing much better and is on AD’s and also takes meds to help her sleep at night which helps also.

My concern today is not so much around my D14 but rather how I deal with my XW moving forward. I really am trying to have as little contact with her as possible. Just like my D14, it hurts me to interact with the “alien” that once was my wife, whom I still love. Can’t make myself stop loving the person that was my W, so I am “learning“ to live my life and raise my children while interacting with my MLC XW.

I want to get out of the way as much as I can……..

I really want my interactions with her to polite and cordial…..

In short I don’t want to give her anymore ammunition to load her “blame me” gun. I know I will get blamed no matter what, however I really desire my words, deeds and actions to be pure.

I do hope that one day the “fog” will lift from her eyes, not so that we can reconcile but rather be able to really move on or move forward as partners in raising our children. I feel that even though we are now divorced, I can not be her friend or be friendly with her while she is in MLC. My hopes are that the less I am around her the less I interact with her the more likely she will start to look at herself and see that she is the source of her own pain.

So now for the thing I need help with……..

D14 is “graduating” from middle school to high school. There is a ceremony tomorrow at the school. 2 tickets were given to each child for the parents to attend. D14 brought the tickets home last week and gave them to me. D14 asked if my girlfriend could come to the ceremony. GF said “Yes” she would come. (GF is at my house now in order to attend the ceremony tomorrow). This was all settled last week, I never even considered my XW nor did I mention the event to her. As far as I knew XW was not aware of it.

Well, 2 days ago I get this email from my XW…….

Do you have two tix to D14's graduation?
If so, who is going?

I did not respond, I wanted to wait until I spoke with D14 about it and ask her if she minded if her mother was there.

D14 said, “NO WAY, ABSOLUTELY NOT!!”

When XW was at the house picking up S10 for the night I said to her…….

I got your email and I spoke to D14 and she does not want you there.

My XW got upset and said…..

I did not want you to say anything to D14, I just wanted to come and sit in the back. I did not even want her to know I was there………….

I was somewhat at a loss for words and realized I needed to tell XW about the fact that there were only 2 tickets and that my GF and I were going, so I said……

D14 asked my GF to go and there are only 2 tickets however you can get more but you would have to sit in the overflow room where you can watch the ceremony on closed circuit TV.

XW was angry and sad and as she was getting in her car to leave she said….

I’m the mother…….

Then she left.

Yesterday I got a call from the school counselor (she is fully aware of the sitch) telling me that XW called the school seeking tickets. Counselor asked what D14’s wishes were. I told her the sitch and said I really don’t want to rock the boat with XW or D14. Counselor said that they would offer XW the tickets to the overflow room for the ceremony that all the tickets had been given out already for the auditorium and that all the kids got 2 tickets each, that is it, there are not anymore.

This morning I get the following email from my XW……

You know, I understand D14 does not want me to be at her graduation. But if you want to do everything to help us reconcile, you sure are not showing it by giving GF my ticket.

This is probably the meanest thing you have ever done. I would give anything just to be able to see her, even without her knowing. And one day if we do reconcile, I can say that I was there.

You kept me away from her in the hospital, now this.

I am open to suggestions, 2X4’s, advice just about anything………

I am thinking of not even responding………but even that is a response.

I also am thinking of the woman that is now my GF and her feelings in all of this too, I care about her and her children as does she about me and my children.

Cheers
~C