I canceled my Zurich trip. Part of it was the situation with my company right now so it has been postponed for a few weeks. However, I am preferring that family be around to take some of the burden (and worry on my part) of the 8 day trip off of my H. He will be in the house for 8 days and now that I have set clear boundaries regarding financial support-I don't think he is capable of it but sometimes people do things that they don't think all the way through. I am planning to go in July or August so I am quite excited about that. The situation has improved somewhat in that we have pleasant conversation when we do child exchange, ask about days,plans, tennis lessons etc but no pro-active requests for spending time together have been initated by my H. He looks a lot, seems reluctant to leave but manages to do it. He called twice last night which I ignored....(a 180 for me since I used to jump all over his calls and hope to have meaningful conversation-I am usually disappointed!) but he finally text messaged to ask for a favor to come late today to pick up the kids so he could give a tennis lesson at 6:30 am this morning. Since this is now his sole means of support, I worked with him via text message to arrange this. I kept it business like and did not respond to his last text message.
If this sounds harsh or cold, it really isn't. I am in full LRT since pouring out again to him two weeks ago that was still in love with him, that I had changed, and that the old wife he knew and person was gone. It was a hard and cold conversation on his part, that again he saw all of the changes but would not sleep on the couch and move home hoping these changes would truly stick. Since than I have been pleasant but business like and working very hard to detach. Is having him back a need? No. It is a preference and I am so blessed to have my family/friends/children and of course God that I can live my life well without him. Especially since I know what part I played in this and how I wish to move forward treating him (and others) very very differently. My priorities have changed.
With that being said, I don't see that he has made a lot of changes in that he has not accepted the reality of the situation that we are not (his choice) moving forward as partners so we are not going to pool our money together to support two households. He keeps giving tennis lessons, he is a coach and will restart in the fall, but still feels that I need him to do my job and that I will support him to keep the status quo. Did he say this? No. But yesterday something happened. I agreed to pay his car payment until his lease ran out (I agreed to do this when he first moved out hoping to sway him by helping him financially-wrong thing to do of course!) which means making June and July's payment. It is a $450.00 car payment, it is almost paid off, and it is a shame-Rav4, low mileage-great vehicle. I warned him in April that he would need to sell the car or make arrangements to resume payments. He has never had to make a car payment in all of the years that we have been together; well, when I was out of town I was not paying attention while doing bills and accidentally authorized HIS ACCOUNT and not mine for the draft to come out of. You should have seen his text message-I felt sorry for him. He absoultely panicked. I very nicely assured him that it was not intentional and that it would be addressed. But the reality is that this will really happen in the next few weeks and I am tired of trying to make him see reality. Now that I am on the Dave Ramsey plan, I have to begin taking care of me and the kids, not his bills.
Georgia does not recognize legal separation. At this point, filing for divorce may be my only protection. Do I want this? No. But I don't see the situation changing, I am paying for everything (house, kids, babysitters, medical, etc) and although he watches the kids during the day, he is still expecting that I will support him. Any additional advice? I am considering drawing up the initial paperwork since it will take some time to file and-well-he needs to step up. I don't care so much about the bills and kids but I don't want to support him since HE left me, not the other way around. Any advice???
