Dark Side of the Moon

[hope2011]

Yeah, I missed reading about the Japan trip! Seriously... you need to get new friends and get away from the W and OM scene. I don't know how you do it.

I'll go back and read your threads this week.

[LearningPatience]

Just to add that little extra oomph, my mom died (expectedly) during that trip. For a while I felt like I lost everything, mom, W, friends, etc.

Lately, I've been reconnecting with old friends while keeping up with my current group. Plus, even though I haven't asked them to, most of my friends have been excluding W and OM from our group plans. I really do have a great support group and I don't want to lose them!

Most of the time, I can remind myself just how strong I am. It's only when I forget my inner strength that it weighs on me.

[LearningPatience]

Fell asleep early (quarter to 9) and had a nightmare about my mom around quarter to 11. I don't get nightmares too often and I think this is the first one that involved her.

It's times like this that I really miss having someone around, a companion that I can share both the good and bad with. Think I'll need one of my Ambien to get back to sleep. Bleh.

[LearningPatience]

Not too much to add since it's only been 15 hours since my last 'journal'. Didn't go suit shopping last night; instead, I made stuffed peppers. They were good!

Mornings are tough, depression wise, which is too bad because I'm a morning person. At least I've recognized it coming on and am being proactive. Usually (like today) I'm feeling 'human' by the afternoon.

I haven't really missed W much today. I was able to talk about her in a rather detached manner with a co-worker today (who knows the sitch). I can't say that I defended W's actions while talking, but I kind of understand what she's going through and almost feel sorry for how she feels (MLC?) and how she's handling it.

Meeting up with a new C for S14 today. Both looking forward to and dreading the visit. S12 has his last band concert tonight so I'm looking forward to that.

I've gone through Jack_Three_Beans old threads in MLC the past few days. Wow! I respected and admired his advice and attitudes before, but now that I read all the hell he went through... I think I have a new hero

Oh, dark for how many days now? 16ish?

[LearningPatience]

It seems kinda pointless to journal with nothing happening, but I'm sure I'll come up with something...

Woke up today in a pretty good mood. W number 1, S14 and I liked the C we saw for him yesterday, so I think we will continue to see her.

Hotter than H3ll here (though that's only an hour from me) so no running. I doubt I'll turn to mush overnight, but I'll have to keep an eye on that.

Turns out SD19 got a puppy. She posted pics on FB today and the puppy is really cute. She hasn't responded to the email I sent last weekend about this. I truly hope to stay in touch with her, but I can see she might not comfortable with that. Sad, but understandable.

I'm starting to forget what W looks and sounds like. The detachment is good for me, I'm in a calmer place. For whatever reason, reading through the MLC forums really helped me. Call it intuition, hope, blind faith, whatever, but I suspect (almost believe) W and I will be together again. When? Who knows. I think the deciding factor in all this is me. Will I have moved on by the time the fog clears? No way to know.

[LearningPatience]

Didn't sleep well last night and this morning I recognized that I was pretty down. Now, correlation is not causation, but...

Really missing W today. I've got a digital picture frame at work with a pic of her and I camping. Smiling. Close. Turned it on for a few minutes this morning just to remember what we looked like together.

Just realized that I am listening to Wish You Were Here. No idea if I subconsciously chose this or not, but it's appropriate.

Again, obligatory end on positive note - had really good conversation last night with a not-really-that-close friend, talking about each of our times in the Air Force (4 years enlisted for me). It was different, most of my friends have been nowhere near the military and it reminded me that for the most part I enjoyed my time in service.

[LearningPatience]

Forgot to mention that I was also hoping/feeling/wishing that the technology of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was real this morning. Would I use it...?

[Denver_2010]

Hey LP. Just want to drop by to say hello and to let you know that I'm thinking of you. Read your post about missing W and I completely understand... been there on a few different occasions now. It will get better man. Believe it.

BITS
Denver

[Denver_2010]

Oh, and BTW, Pink Floyd is my favorite band of all time... but not good listening in times like these.

[LearningPatience]

Thanks for checking in Denver, appreciate it! Right now, with the Darkness, it feels like I've traded in one rollercoaster for another, albeit a smaller and smoother one. And again, mornings are the hardest for me, especially when I'm tired.

Oddly, when I listen to music that matches my mood, it centers me. For instance, when I'm p1$$ed off, I'll listen to something loud and aggressive and it'll calm me down. Likewise, when I'm down I listen to slower, sadder songs to pick me up. Pink Floyd was a good choice for now.