Betsey,

Well as usual you have hit another nail on the proverbial head.

I have no life.

Just a statement of fact.

Yet I am Dr. K's social director and HE does very little other than work out, go to his classes, grocery shop or do laundry. All other actvities are shared with me........and he has no men friends. I mean true friends. I believe this is most important in life for all of us but especially...men should have friends...they get even more detached than us women, if they don't have any!

So every word you said is important...I do need to have some things of my own and they most definitely add to my "mystery"

It would make me feel more attractive and interesting and very secondarily, because I am not focused on this, most likely attractive to Dr. K as well.......

Mostly...what I really need is a job, a good job, one I can enjoy and sink my teeth into....

Beyond that I will join a book club,I've always wanted to do that and take belly dancing lessons.....(not your typical WASP thing to do no offense anyone, I AM a WASP) maybe finish writing the book I started two years ago( historical novel)...which Dr. K has already critiqued as a poor first effort!

Here's the thing................ I was RAISED to pursue unimportant, non threatening, no skill building activities....I MAJORED in them from birth!.So I tend to feel very guilty if I indulge in anything that has no value other than to enjoy!.........You seee, my whole life was ballet, opera, singing, sewing, gourmet cooking, white bread, don't lift a finger except at the spa to get a manicure kind of existense. It prepared me for nothing!!

Except to be a great person to have at cocktail parties...someone who knew endless bits of trivia to charm and entertain, but had no ideas or opinions on anything relevant...Now I know I should not be complaining because of my priviledge, but my family did us a great disservice by letting us think that life was like that...Real life is not!

Now if I had stayed under their "tent" and married the person I was "suppose" to and carried on their silly tradition, well my life would have been what I was prepared for, but I rocked the boat and left that horrendous existence behind.....

I know I am stuck, feeling like I have no real skills, and I have been waiting to get the kids "launched" and this will not do!( another lesson I learned these last few days)

I can no longer "experiment" I need to find my niche, find my groove and I am sooo aware of this that it is painful and embarrassing. I feel as thought I have been drifting through life and not contributing..

Now I don't think I can save the world...and I promise I won't run off to africa to stop AIDS,

and No tatoo parlors, I promise

But I pray for direction because I am most uncomfortable in my own skin!

Thanks for being there Betsey....

I'm down..... but not out

Trish