Yes, I continue to get angry. I've been to anger management and it was helpful; however, I could never find a "process" that allowed me to check my emotions quickly enough before I "opened mouth and inserted foot". The IC I'm now receiving is helpful and for the time being, I plan to continue with IC.
I do admit to being abusive to my W for many years, and yes, I would say that her self-esteem has been tested. That being said, she is a Queen when it comes to resilience. My W is a rock because she's been dealing with me for over twenty years. Don't get me wrong, I’m not condoning my behavior, I’m simply acknowledging that my W is a force to be reckoned with.
Although my W is strong, I acknowledge that there is only so much a person can handle before they’ve had enough. My wife’s told me that she no longer feels physically close to me and that she is prepared to be on her own rather than live with this abuse.
It’s sobering to realize that your actions have degraded your relationship so severely that your partner no wants to be with you. I admit that I have a great deal of work ahead of me in order to salvage my relationship. I also know that there are no guarantees, that in the end, the damage may be so severe that my W may decide to leave; I don’t like it, but I accept it.
I’ve emulated my Father to a tee. From a young age, I new that I didn’t like the way my Father treated my Mother; I never wanted to be that person; however, I am that person.
