Australian/US connection-is He a WAH or MLC?

[AloneAt35]

Shannon, I just wanted to stop by your thread and offer support because you were kind enough to offer amazing support to me.

I just want to say, I can't imagine being the powerful woman you are. You have EVERYTHING going for you if you could only see it. You also deserve to be loved and respected in your marriage. To me, it seems like your husband has not lived up to that in the recent past. That doesn't mean that your marriage isn't worth working to save - only you can determine that - but a marriage is a *partnership* and your husband certainly isn't living up to the 50/50 ideal of a good partnership. He's also really not being a 100% father either (to put it mildly). Also, I believe that there are some boundaries that a spouse doesn't cross: harassing comments about weight and/or appearance is one of those boundaries.

In terms of earnings and power-distribution, all relationships are different. Mine was kind of the reverse of yours: my partner was high-earning/high-achieving/high-profile, while I was always supporting and clapping backstage. I didn't earn a lot of money, but my partner never cleaned a toilet, had a 'little woman' to bake every birthday cake for his office subordinates, and knew he was adored, cherished, and practically worshiped by me. Unlike your husband, I encouraged my partner treat himself to anything he wanted (he worked hard and I figured it was first and foremost *his* money) and when he moved out, I realized that my clothes - though mostly coming from the thrift store - comprised only about 10% of the clothes in our closet. It was kind of a wake-up for me: I was like a poor little match girl living with a man who had everything he could ever want - I never thought I deserved anything so I never asked for it and now he has left me with nothing.

I didn't mean to go on and on about myself, but I just wanted you to realize that I'm not condemning your husband for not earning much money - every family finds its own balance and not every person has equal earning potential. HOWEVER, what I am trying to point out is that your husband (while accusing you of flagrant spending) actually doesn't seem to understand the value of money himself. If he has already spent $13,000 of the family's savings and now expects you to play 'sugar mama' and bankroll his continued absenteeism from his family obligations...well that I just CAN'T understand. If the genders were reversed, I still would not be able to understand it.

Speaking of sugar mamas, your husband seems to be determined to compare you to his own perfect, entrepreneurial mother. A woman can never win when a man idealizes his own mother to great extent, and I believe that this is a sign of immaturity. Didn't mean to go all Freudian, but its just an observation. Does he want a wife or a replica of his mother?