25 & Cindy: Thanks again. I agree that I backslide from time to time, but I am now realizing it only hurts me and allows him to continue to point the finger. I am so appreciative of all your advice. Unfortunatley I dont have the access to a computer anymore unless if I make the trip up to my parents house. So I will try to keep checking as neccessary for your words of wisdom, that I sooooooo need as often as possible.
I fell for his pity party yesterday. I went to bowling and he text me and asked: "if I would talk with him in person or if we are gonna have to have outside sources deal with our situation?".I said: "I am just not ready to talk with him in person. Please allow me more time".
Then he said: "I dont understand why you wont talk with me, have I done some thing wrong, this is our lives and I know you have been talking with other people but not me". I said: "I am just taking the time to heal. I am in a lot of pain and I am trying to sort out my confusion, I dont know when I will be ready to talk to you. I am sorry we are going through this and I do miss you, but we need to take this time to heal and work on ourselves which can only come from within".
He said: "I wanted to get sober with you, but now I am struggeling and its too difficult, impossible". He is so delusional right now, he actually thinks that I have an alcohol problem just because I was going to the bars a lot just to be with him before he left me. I am sure that he thinks that I am in AA and not alanon (if he even knows what alanon is) since I told him that I went to a few Alanon and open AA meeting last week. I did that because alanon suggested I go so I can gain compassion. I know I dont have an alcohol problem. I have only had about 5 cups of wine total since he has left me a month & 1/2 ago and I am not struggeling with that choice at all.
Then he text: "I am used to getting Sh*t on, I just wanted you to be my friend, oh well, have a nice life". And "All we have is trust, when love is weak and the passion is missing, your misleading me and frustrating me and a talk is long overdue, after today, WTF?". And "God is great, beer is good, & people are crazy, I believe everything happens for a reason". Finally that was the end of his texting and I didnt respond, but I can tell he is ticked off.
Alanon assured me tonight that I am doing the right thing to distance myself and that he is putting the blame on me so he doesnt have to face his own guilt. They said again: let go or get dragged. I believe that is what I need to do as hard as it is, I am surrendering.
On my way to alanon tonight, I saw my H's truck at a bar a town away from home. Sly guy. So I know he is trying to avoid being seen at the local bars in our town now since his employee got badly hurt (fell off a deck and punctured a lung with cracked ribs & in the hospital for a week), and his other employee thats in AA quit unexpectedly. He is spiralling down fast and furiously.
Thanks gals for the help and advice. I am most definetly gonna stay as dark as possible.
On another sad note, My uncle passed away last night at 1:30am from the stroke/coma. Very sad. Wish I could tell my H, but I know I cant-for my own good. So I wont.I have my family for support, and My mom (it was her brother) needs my love right now so I will be strong for her.
Thanks again, for assuring me not to give in to his pity party. He needs to fall on his own. I am waking up,Finally. I will try to be back to the boards on friday or this weekend sometime.
