What would happen if you actually scheduled your own life (making sure you don't become a crazymaker and completely fill your daytimer)? Scheduling things that mean something to you so that you aren't feeling neglected and unloved while you wait by the phone?
What about friends??? If you only have acquaintances, now is the time to turn some of them into friendships. The kind of friendships that encourage you to spend time with others. Maybe some folks you know from mass?
Or maybe signing up for bible study classes at church or take an art history class at the university? Something to bring YOU joy that only YOU can do for yourself.
Here's why...
When I met Mr. Wonderful back in CA, he had a wonderful group of really good friends. He bowled on Tuesday nights with another group, played racquetball twice a week, walleyball and volleyball on Friday at lunch. On weekends, they hit country dance bars or had BBQs or dinner parties. And man, was he attractive to me. He had a life that revolved around really emotionally healthy people--all of whom cared for him deeply.
So much so that when we announced my moving in to his place, a few of them pulled me aside and "warned" me not to hurt him without reason or suffer consequences... (Yes, and all of them are very supportive of us--me in particular--now.)
When we moved here, he lost that life. All of a sudden, I became his focal point in life and his lifeline to friends. If I urged him to get out, he accused me of wanting to be alone or implied my priorities were screwed up.
So you know what his parting words were on his way out the door (one year ago today)?
You've kept me from having friends and a social life!
What?
I had told him many times over that I loved his friends in CA... why would I refuse to allow new ones in? And furthermore, I couldn't be everything to him... I also reminded him that what he gets from others comes back to our relationship tenfold, so I couldn't imagine where his skewed statement came from.
Yes, the mother ship was making sure he received a different memo for recollection...
The moral of the story is that by getting a life, you become mysterious. I don't mean that you need to find one in the tattoo parlors or anything, but one that satisfies you. You can share stuff with him, but you really and truly need to keep a few cards in this poker game of life to yourself. We all have spaces that are ours exclusively.
You need one!
So think about it for a bit... and then I'm going to love hearing what you come up with!
Hugs,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
