This is the third night out of 18 nights since she moved out that the kids have spent the night with her. They dont ask much about her when they are home with me. They dont ask to go visit or when mom is coming to get them. If it wouldnt be for her calling them at night they wouldnt talk to her. Since her last explosion of emotions over the phone to me this past friday, she hasnt called anymore with that type of behavior since then. Saturday night she came to the ball field to watch S12 baseball game and I am his coach. She had been drinking at her cousins house most of the day. She walked up to me and asked what time the game started and then wiped a bug off my shirt and then rub my chest a couple times to make sure it was gone. I backed away from her and said it would start in 15 minutes. She sat on bleachers by herself waiting for game to start, with a sad look on her face. After game she left after telling kids goodnight and I looked at her while she drove away and she was crying again. Monday night she came to S12 school ball game, I dont coach him there, so we were both fans. She was working hard to make me think she was happy and I could see right through it as the things she was saying were so very much Bullcrap. I was in a good mood, but not over doing it, just acting as I normally do at one of his games.
I think at this point she realized that the crying and screaming at me is not working, as I never give in or react the way she wants me to. I think at this point she is going dark on me trying to get me to show an emotion. So far I havent, I have been dark now for over 3 weeks and when I see her, I am polite but do not sit by her, or initiate any conversations. I tell her bye when she leaves and that about it. It seems fairy tale of OM is in the gutter at this point. I think she is realizes that he was only looking for an affair and he is backing away from her.
She cant at this point tell me she made a mistake as she has already moved out and leased the apartment. She also make it very clear to me when she left that she was not leaving me for OM. A lot of people in my community know she left again, and she cant at this point try to walk back as they will be talking about her again leaving and returning.
I have decided that she is not what I need at this point, and everyday for me is a better day. It was a blessing for me to go through this ten years ago with her, as now I was prepared for the outcome that I could move on with my life.
As a good friend of mine told me today, what would she have to offer you if she walked back in the door today?
The same negative attitude, the same no love to me and the kids, the same staying out late and me waiting up for her only to return home drunk. I am a better man than that, I love to love, I love to care, and I love myself and my kids to much to go back through that all over again.
While she was at cousins house on saturday, her cousing told me yesterday, that she talked about me all day, in a good way. She told her that I seemed to be happy and acting weird like I was moving on with my life. And guess what I am. I have fought the fight with W. this is her battle now, if me and kids are worth having then she needs to fight for us. She knows how much I love her, she knows how much I have changed, and she knows no other man will put up with her attitude and non emotion like I do. She will have to continue her journey with GOD as her copilot. I wish her the best, and I know with God and my kids, I will always be the better man. I know it, God knows it, my kids know it and she knows it. Good night all and I will continue to pray for you all.
