Tad, good question about whether if it gets easier for you, is it also getting easier for her. I have also wondered that myself. There are two answers to that question: First answer is, who cares? (well obviously you do) but you need to stop caring because that takes the focus on to her--and it implies that if it gets easier for her to detach if you detach, then because you don't want her to detach, you'll STOP detaching just to keep HER from detaching. Not saying you will do this, but you MIGHT if that's your reasoning.
The second answer to that question is that the pattern here seems to be that EVENTUALLY it's NOT easy for them. If they are in the infatuation stage of an affair, and in the MLC fog, our detachment theoretically might make it easier for them to go straight into the arms of the other person. But that infatuation stage doesn't last forever, and at some point, they ARE going to see the other person's flaws and they ARE going to stop romanticizing what they are doing, and at that point, they do NOT have us to fall back on. But we are talking years here for many people. It's like their affair has to break up, or they have to fall off the ledge that their quick change of life gave them temporarily, and that can take years. Most affairs break up in 6 months to a year, but some do not, and some people find another person to hide themselves in (or other sort of addictive behaviors). The point is that you can't get fixated on that in any way because by thinking about it, it controls you.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
