Monday gave car back to Dr. K about 4:30 after work.... He asked how my day went+ Told me about his day+( he: not much to do) Gave me a big kiss goodbye+ Said he'd call me later+
I felt awkward and didn't know what to say after saying good bye I was just going to walk away and go to the bus?....
Afterwards I thought I should have asked him if he wanted to get a sandwich, he'd been indoors all day!...or come out to the house?! He said he wasn't doing a damm thing all day...so I felt like an idiot for not considering him until after I left, I was too nervous about myself !
oh, well....
Then he didn't call- I figured he had nothing new to talk about and I wasn't too surprised he didn't call...afterall we had seen each other twice that day already+
Tuesday---no call???? He had a DAV meeting that night, but I sort of expected he would call after because the next day is new years...
I was very dissapointed and then started in with the stinkin thinkin!
Told myself to stop with the expectations...make some plans on my own...in case he doesn't want to do anything.
Refused to give into the urge to call him...The ball is more in his court today....I made all the plans for the past weekend...time for him to get in the game as it were...
Thought about e-mailing him....no! Started thinking something was wrong! Felt panicky! Thought about what ever I do do think about what repercussions does it have...
What am I truely trying to get?
Decided to re-read DR. Tuesday spent reading and thinking.
Thought about things from his perspective and he's depressed? Why am I waiting for him to make the first move? I can handle rejection if need be....but he might like to know I find him sweet and irresistible!
Decided I would call him midday wednesday if he hadn't called me by then...
Called and I decided to be up and sweet...asked him how my stud muffin sweetie is? He laughed. Told him I was getting off soon and just wanted to call and see if he'd like to do somehting in town tonight? He said sorry, he didn't want to do anything in town he has never been a downtown crowd type ...I told him don't apologize it's alright! I was just asking..He liked that!!??
He mentioned going put of town maybe...(not realistic, no money!) And then he said he had a couple of steaks thawed...I said is that an invitation? Yeah,he says, come on over...and we'll see about going to this new resort about 40 miles from us, kept talking about us playing craps and blackjack together and how much we like that
We had a great evening! First we talked,showered, ML, made dinner, went to the resort and had a great time...they only have slot machines(he hates them) but we had a great time...he was very affectionate and had his arm around me alot and held hands...I sat on his lap! and we won $150. by the end of the night. Not bad for a $20.investment!
Lots of jokes and good convo, drove home around 12 and we talked the whole way back...he made a joke about me staying at condo or the house...as if! and we both laughed. I started to fall asleep almost as soon as we got to condo...he stayed up and watched tv from bed.... Good morning...very relaxed...made breakfast, read the paper and watched the news, old movies and then
Talked about a plan for the day!!! HURRAYY!!!!!
We agreed I would head back to the house(3 pm now) and when I did go to leave, he made popcorn and kept me talking. ...thanked me for the massage I had given him in the morning. .. and said he would check times for a movie tonight. .....I left a happy camper...we even talked a bit about why he always wants me to leave!!
He feels like he can't work on what he needs to, with me there...something we will need to work on...+
Also got some closure on the car issues( keeping vs. repossession) and what to do about the house and condo...he wants to sell both and get a place in town together! He will talk to building manager tommorow!
All in all a good DB day and 1/2!
He noticed how comfortable I am there at condo...said I was getting comfortable breaking in on his lonliness!
I read a really good book yesterday about mid life crisis... it could companion DR very well....I was actualy looking for books on men and depression....a little divine intervention there!
Guess that's it.... as always I start off thinking I won't write much and then I start a "NOVELLA!!"
!
Trish
