"D-Day" seems to be approaching fast

[toughlover]

"I'm all for detachment in ALL relationships, I see it as a requirement for real intimacy and real compassion."

Yes, I totally agree.

"You've been doing more of the same for a long time now."

Yes, very.

"It isn't working,"

Well, yes and no. It has worked as far as making me stronger and, well, having the best life I can under the circumstances. It hasn't had any significant impact on my wife, but this isn't math, where all you have to do is add 1 and 1 and you always get 2. This involves two human beings with free will...I could be very wrong about this, and please forgive me if I am, but there seems to be a subtext/assumption in what you're saying to me: "There is some behavior or combination of behaviors that, if I discover/do them, will lead my wife to change her mind." There may be, I don't know, but I think that particular line of thinking is flawed, because the converse of that would be: If the marriage ends in divorce, it's because Spouse B did not do X,Y,Z that would have made a difference. Sometimes, that may be true; sometimes it's not. Not every marriage will be saved because it takes two people and sometimes, some people just have their own agendas/issues and the free will to go in whatever direction they choose.

" nor do you seem particularly happy doing it."

Well, again, I mourn the imminent loss of my marriage and family. However, I am much happier still being here, waking up under the same roof with my son every single day. It has lead to many good things in our lives, many of which could not have been as possible otherwise.

"So why not something different?"

Like what? Not even considering what went on the first 12 years of our marriage, since 2006 I have firmly stood for this marriage and family. I have steadfastly, though of course imperfectly, done what I thought was right. When my wife has been open to being with me and working on the marriage, I did the same. When my wife has resisted that or openly told me she didn't want it, when she turned down invitations to go out, said she didn't want to ML anymore, didn't want to talk about our R or our problems, looked me square in the eye and told me she didn't, and never would, love me, I backed off.

Again, I certainly don't claim to know everything. However, coming up is our 5 year anniversary of the bomb being dropped, and our 16 year anniversary of being married. Yes, she confessed to her adultery the morning after our 11th wedding anniversary.

I honestly don't think there's anything I haven't tried at this point. However, I'm no longer a 'glass is half empty' kind of guy. I don't see myself as sitting around dreading the day she files. I see myself as continuing in my commitment to my W and my family in the best way I can considering the circumstances, and enjoying my time with my son and opportunities to continue to love him and guide him and raise him to the best of my ability.