The cloud bank has lifted to 40,000 feet and there is 60% better visibility!
I can see exactly why my approach would not have worked with Mr.W...he would want to be "in control" as it were...so this sort of plan would smack of pursuit and control to him.So he would do something passive aggressive, like set up plans and then cancel! It does run close along that line with Dr. K too because he doesn't want to be controlled either, but he REALLY likes a plan!
...Not one planned too far in advance, but nonetheless a plan... ...He especially likes one where he feels like he has the choice...
The first thing I said was "WOULD YOU like to come out to the house?....(giving him the option of getting out to see everyone and getting OUT of the condo+...(remember last week when he said that I assumed I should stay there instead of asking him what he'd like to do?)
Well I flipped that around on him.
I was ready with a good back-up .... also one where he did not have to put himself out much! I did all the traveling as it were.
Now I definitely ran the risk that he might say no he didn't want to do anything
Frankly, he could have said, "bring the car back on monday on your way to work." !
For some reason, he said, "sounds good".
...Maybe because it gave him his time alone to do his workout. ...He is sick of being alone! ...So having me there to watch the game AND make him dinner was pretty appealing.
I also mentally prepared myself if he did say no. So that I didn't sound desperate when we talked.
I timed my call when I knew he was done watching the morning news show...
When he would be setting himself up for the plan of the day...
No last minute stuff will be coming from me!
When he does that(last minute plans) I almost always flex... I really like spontaneity, but he is not a flexible type person. He likes things laid out and semi-planned in advance!
He almost couldn't say no to my plan....without sounding like a whinney baby....and frankly, like I said...he's lonely and doesn't have enough to fill up his days...what with no work...no class right now...no homework to grade....????
I feel more concerned about him having too much time on his hands but he'll have to manage...he set it up this way!!
But to be sure it does NOT ALWAYS go that well.....I'm not sure if it's how I approach or if it's more dependent on his mood!?
When he has his own agenda...nothing will sway him, he will find a way to do exactly what he wants when he wants to!!
What can we do??????? to give me a mental trigger that will tell me to avoid asking questions where the answer may be perceived as rejection.?????
I would love to be able to do that!!
I'll give it some thought ....if you have a suggestion please.........
With the way I hate rejection and the habit I have of setting myself up for it you might think I'd have a clue on how to do this, but I guess that's the dilemma!!
Hugs right back! Trish
Thanks for the reassurance about the elevator bimbos!! I just need to toss them in the heap with the shark lady..
