I think you're right, Angel, that getting on your soapbox too often is NOT going to convince your H of the rightness of what you're preaching--it's only going to make him feel attacked/in the wrong/guilted, and as if it's him VERSUS you rather than both of you thinking as a team, at least until he's able to think rationally rather than emotionally again. Remember, how you act (modeling forgiveness, good parenting skills, etc) is going to be more convincing to him than hours of talking could ever be.
I think you're wise to let H decide how to handle the weekend with/without your D, since no amount of acting in a controlling manner will stop him from seeing OW if that is what he decides to do.
It's perfectly understandable that you feel unsettled--keep working on that detachment, leave your H to God, and try to make the most of the time you have alone.
