Affair (continued II)

[25yearsmlc]

Chris,

I went to a pro-m MC and I went by myself for a long time. H eventually met the MC (in order to help him know h, and guide me better) and they got along really well. H met with him 2-4 times and We only went together maybe twice. So go. You can get a lot out of it regardless of whether your w is there as long as you are objective about your description of w's behavior and use her exact words. If you go to mc and tell him your negative thoughts about what she means or thinks, it will fail.

I hope the stuff below are teaching points for you.

BTW....I have decided to go out saturday night.

Thank God. She told you to go and could not have been clearer. Still you wondered how to interpret it negatively and I wanted to go thru my computer to slap you. Knock it off. You really do have a negative spin and it's destructive and weird &incredbily unattractive. She told you pretty much that too. Stop it. Seriously.

I was worried about the money and told W, that spending a hundred bucks for this bachelors party seemed a bit much and didnt think I should do it. She was like no go..I think it will be good for you to go out with some friends. Not sure how to take this, as I really need to go out or get out of my face.

THIS^^^ has to stop. Figure out a way to do it and just STOP it. Good grief. Perfect example of you at a fork in the road and spending energy figuring out how to see it negatively or postively and you go with the negative. Why? IF she feels negative emotions SHE will TELL YOU...isn't that obvious now? You mean she might hide her negatives? Why? Oh b/c you are weak around her and she's afraid of your drama? See the solution to that is still the same. YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THIS BEHAVIOR ASAP...it really is self centered and negative.

W was also talking about this new side job she is going to be starting. It pays well and she seems to be excited. So I said why dont you try and do it full time. She responed that I would if they offered insurance, but they dont. I say: well we have medical insurance through my job so not really a big deal....W says well I dont know what next year will bring ( or the future will be....something to that effect) and I dont want to get into that now. T[b]hat hit me hard and I left the room rather quickly so she would not notice the damage[/b].

Again see the fork in the road. She made at worst, an ambiguous remark and you went with the negative spin and had to leave the room b/c you could not manage to cope better. You just have to. You are making things worse.



I was watching TV and she came in the room and said stop pouting not what I meant.

I hope you are a bit chagrined by this ^^^^. I mean really, do you see how this looks TO HER??? Come on Chris...enough. Tell yourself that, say "ENOUGH" and then get a grip and do something fun-watch comedy- or busy or physically challenging.


I say well I took it as you made a choice, and she pauses. W: M? I meant that the state jacks with your insurance yearly and we dont even know if you will be there next year since you are activly seeking a new job. So, I calmed down a bit and changed the subject. The rest of the night seemed smooth.

You "calmed down a bit"? Why weren't you completely reassured? It means you created the whole drama? There was NO hidden meaning in what she said. At all. You forced her to comfort YOU....

By now I'm sure I've hammered this enough but then again, we've all said this before.

Hopefully you can see your behavior as it is, and change it VERY SOON b/c I think she's already tired of it. I would be.