Affair (continued II)

[awest1217]

Chris, I reread what I wrote and I want to explain where it is coming from. At least 4 or 5 times during my R with XH, he would have an EA then when I would find out, he would act a lot like you are. He would act like the victim by saying how he didn't deserve me and always pout and talk about what a horrible person he is. He would promise to never do it again and...well you can read my thread to understand the rest. Reading how you are acting reminds me of him. I never could stay made at him or focus on my pain because I went into caring mode. I didn't like seeing him upset or degrading himself so I would let go of my pain and just focus on him and within a week (the first time now remember I was in highschool) I would be taking care of him. XH learned my vulnerability and by the last one before we got married it took two hours for me to be taking care of him instead of me.

What that did in our R is I resented him and ultimately pushed him away. As soon as a girl came along in our marriage and OW was not the first one...just the first PA, I pushed him away. I went through the normal routine, but I was dead inside.

I am telling you this because you say this will be the only time, and I have no reason to doubt that, but if you don't start taking care of you and then taking care of W it will cause lasting resentment that she may not be aware of until it is too late and years from now you D, and it all comes back to now. I don't want to see you mess up what you truly want to hold together. You need to become self-aware of your actions and reactions all the time and become proactive and also try to become more positive so you can become a better man, never do this again, and help your W have what she needs to heal which right now is not having to worry about you.