Oh, I do get that I can forgive H, yet never have him around.
H has become increasingly violent. Of course, he could have learned his lesson--I don't know where he is at right now. In March he was no different--so he may be that way now too--but he did have some court-ordered therapy since then...
I'll be honest with you--I'm not one of these people that gush about what a great marriage they had. I had some good years, but there have been issues with porn, anger, controlling, verbal abuse...I had a pretty prominent "vet" here tell me that my R was probably not worth saving.
Still, the lessons I've learned have profoundly influenced my life. And I love to lurk and learn more when I can.
I have read Ms. Williamson and you are right--she was just a bit "new-age" for me.
I prefer the "grace message" that I get at my church. I have never worked so hard on "focusing on the positives so that they will increase, forgiveness, setting healthy boundaries, etc". It feels really odd--to not worry and trust in God when I am in the midst of such chaos. (no job, in school, settled in March with H and his L wrote up the wrong account numbers, my L wanting more money that I no longer have, death of my attorney father in Sept, I need to stop--I am getting chest pain!lol.)
But in the midst of all of this--there are unbelievable blessings. God only lets me think of and worry for just so long--and then he does something wonderful for me. My son got 2 awards this year in school, I started volunteering for Hospice and the daughter has become an inspiration to me, etc.
It's such an interesting, twisty, turny journey. I am excited in the morning to know "what will He do next?" Because, I tell you, it's always something. I had a friend that insisted on giving me some raffle tickets for a raffle on Sat--I am not spending a penny more than I have to right now because the settlement that was supposed to come in March still hasn't happened...but anyway...I told her not to bother--I never win on these thinges. Literally, I have been involved in this hobby where there is a raffle along with it for YEARS and I have never won anything.
I have been wanting flowers for the front of my house but haven't been able to bring myself to get them--tried to buy "discounted ones" but they were so pathetic I just didn't do it.
So of course I won a huge flat of flowers! And some squash--I have been wanting to try "new recipes" now that I don't have to cook for H and have been playing a bit with being a vegetarian (it's cheaper that way.lol), etc. Squash is perfect!! I have never really cooked with it and there is an internet full of recipes!!
You are so right--it IS an inward journey. And most here are focused on the other person. You are very skilled at helping people see that--I am really enjoying how you can explain it without getting frustrated and the communication breaking down. I have posted a bit, but...don't quite have the knack you have aquired just yet.
Thank you for posting to me--another blessing to focus on!!lol
