Right back where I started from- stupid song

[verysad2day]

If I think a close honest look at the sit and at myself...I pounced when I had the chance to SABATOGE any efforts that I have made. My mom says that is exactly what I did. I changed, or I should say mad life changes and he did not. He was/is the same person.

Had this e-mail been sent to me 5 months, ago...I would have sat on it and been the perfect wife...the pleaser, oh make it all go away wife. Sunday, I did sit on it. Maybe for too long. After two hours I was as angry as a wet hen!

See, when this all was unfolding in Dec/Jan I was a scared wet hornet. No where to go. No place to call mine. I have done a lot of work. Then I exploded....months and months of "make it go away" all came out.

I'm not proud. Feel relieved and damn him if what I said was crazy. It "musta" felf good at the time, because I kept going and going and going.

Here was my rule that I broke: I count to my age (46) before I lash out or respond to anyone in my life if I don't have a positive to say. It worken for the last 6 months. I blew it.

On a happy happy happy note. School ends on Friday and I have all summer to concentrate on my granddaughter. Where did the last 7 months go? Oh I know...any guesses?

I am so bummed that I spent 7 months trying to make my marriage work, when I had a granddaughter in Nov. that I could of, should of been with. In the end the result is the same...my marriage seems to still be on his terms and conditions and I spent wasted days wondering. I should have been blowing bubbles in the wind with my granddaughter.