WAW for 6+ years -- Need Help

[SolutionOriented]

Not sure if I'm posting correctly or not, but thought I would provide an update to get myself and others (if you're out there reading this) updated. Last long post, but I wanted whoever reads this to have as much of a complete story as possible. Thanks.

1 June: Wife called this afternoon wanting to know how much money to get out for her and son to eat tonight as I have class. I started going back to school to finish my Bachelors Degree in January 2011. Just to try to give me some sanity back in my life. Anyway, she asked me if I needed any. Then told me to have a great time at school and that she would be going home and going to bed. She was tired and needed some sleep. She said I love you and I did not.
School was great. Went to gym afterward (something else I’ve started so I can GAL as this website states). Wife sleepily said hi when I got home from school. Then, as I was undressing to take a shower she asked if I could get her a glass of tea. I told her okay. She then proceeded to say that she was hungry which in previous times meant that I would go downstairs and fix her something to eat …….even to the point of making her a couple of hot dogs on the grill at 11:00 or 11:30 at night. Before I would just do this no matter how late it was. Well, last night I told her that I wasn’t going to fix her anything, but I would get her the glass of tea.
When I came out of the shower, she was eating Panda Express leftovers from supper. I just find that to be funny because I stood up for myself and told her no. For the past six plus years, I have been bending over backwards since I changed my anger problem. I have discovered a lot about myself, but until recently still did everything she wanted her way.
Anywat, she then stayed up while I went to sleep. She’s like you’re going to sleep and I said yep. She knows what she is doing is wrong, but I believe she is adamant on figuring this out her way and to me that means if he leaves his wife she is leaving me no matter what she says. I will fight for my marriage due to my son and not wanting him to grow up the rest of his life worrying about who to see on what holiday and birthday, vacations, etc.
2 June: My wife got up this morning as if everything was great. On the ride into work she asked why I was so quite (probably due to me being talkative on our recent drives to and from work). I just realized that I don’t have to talk anymore. I don’t have to cater to her anymore.
Wife was trying to ask a question about our finances and kept repeating, under her breath but where I could hear it, “You wouldn’t deliberately financially hurt me would you?” and “What are you doing with our money.....I mean, I know you’re...I need to ask you. . .oh well......”
Small talk sporadically while we drove to work. Wife asked if I got in late last night. I told her no. I was probably 30 minutes later than normal because I went to the gym but I didn’t tell her. Wife said have a nice day after I told her to have a nice morning. Wife said I love you and I didn’t.
Wife called within 10 minutes of being at work to ask how we got to work so early. She was ‘amazed’ and thought it was funny. I was monotone in my reply and not ‘excited’ but just told her I don’t know that it must have been because of there being no traffic. Wife said I love you and I didn’t.
My tone right now with her is not good so I really need to decide which way I’m going and move in that direction. I’m just not sure yet. I really want to try the divorce busting technique, but I feel it’s a lost cause now because she’s so hell bent on following her heart and it belongs to OM. Will have to see how next 3 days off go (yeah, Fri, Sat, Sun off). Son is so wonderful. He is awesome!
Lord, please give me peace today and provide me with your direction for my life. I pray for your guidance for my wife and for me. Please continue to restore our marriage and make it whole again with love, intimacy, passion, trust, and respect. I ask all these things in your name and for your will to be done. In all things, I thank you Lord. Amen.
Wife called at 1155 and asked what I was doing. I told her working. She then asked what I was doing for lunch. I told her I had already eaten something here. I then asked her if she worked out today and she stated, “no” that her boss had left early today to go to her youngest daughters ‘graduation.’ Some awkward silence and then she said okay, bye. I told her bye and then hung up.
1414: I just finished underlining parts of Carol and Deans story in Divorce Remedy book. I probably did a bad thing in that I laid out the months that it took them to get their marriage back on track with the dates that I have actually been working on DBing my marriage. So, I am moving into weeks 5 to 8 timeline, but will be moving to the 3-6 months category on 24 June. Hard to hear wife state that I am the man she always wanted in the marriage, but when it comes to intimacy, she sees OM instead of me. Ouch! Looking for the brighter side of continuing to strengthen me and work on me. Go Me!
Ride home goes well, but she does ask about money situation again and that I would never hurt her deliberately. I get upset with her and just tell that I’m ticked that she would even ask a question like that and she should know better. Conversation on that topic ends and we talk the rest of the way home with no problem.
3 June: Today, was a bit depressing (on her end) as she was depressed with headache, missing OM, etc. It’s the same story over and over at times. She ends up staying in bed most of the day. I, on the other hand, stayed busy doing things around the house and outside in the yard. I had a productive day, thank you God. I worked on homework Thursday night.
4 June: A little bit better day but more of the same from her. I continued to stay busy. Have really noticed that wife has stopped telling me she loves me now. She was telling me before and now that I have stopped, it seems that she has stopped as well. That hurts a lot not having her tell me she loves me, but what should I expect from someone that doesn’t even think about me intimately. I just need to move on. Did more homework today.
5 June: I got up and went to church, wife fixed breakfast again as she did on Saturday morning. It was nice and I thanked her for it. Still no “I love you” when I leave. Wife still in bed when I return from church. She gets up at 1245 to get ready to go to an Open House at son’s girlfriends house.
We needed to buy a gift for girlfriend so we went to NEX on base and wife was a bit stand offish but I didn’t let it bother me. She didn’t even stay with me and my son when we went to purchase a card and gift bag she helped pick out. She stood 40 feet away and then went outside before we even finished purchasing the gift, but she did walk to the car with us.
She was better at the party and as we drove home from the party (son was left behind), she stated that she wasn’t doing well. She hurts physically, emotionally, and she has a bad allergy headache (i.e., same ole…I don’t feel well and I miss him and can’t change how I feel, blah, blah, blah). I listened but did not respond to her remarks. A couple of minutes later she states that she sees what I’ve been doing and she appreciates it. Again, I just listen and don’t respond. Yes, it was nice to hear but what does it all mean.....really! It’s hard but I do want to save my marriage so I just ‘suck it up’ and keep going. At least this time I’m DBing and not resorting back to how I was before, but have I waited too late. OM is now seeing an attorney to see how much money he will lose if he divorces his wife. He doesn’t want to lose everything he’s worked so hard for. Boo Hoo. I wish I had just went over and beat the crap out of this guy at the beginning, but I was told that wouldn’t solve anything. Really??!! Maybe it would have!
So, I’m lying in bed and she ends up going to be bed with just her nightshirt on. How do I know this, well, having no bra on is par for the course. However, she’s laying by me and sleeping with the nightshirt raised up to her waist and she’s bottomless. She’s so beautiful and I am so ….well, you get the picture. I don’t even touch her, though, as I just remember that I’m not the one she wants…how sad is that!
She awakens later on but still sleeps bottomless. Okay, like that’s fair....what is she thinking?? Definitely driving me crazy. Sex was the one thing we did and liked really well. She always stated and still states that she was very satisfied in that department, but now since February of this year...no sex. Can’t be intimate with me while wanting him. Intimacy is so much more then sex (I’ve learned that, too), but she has now stopped the sex as well. The last thing to go in the intimacy department.
6 June: I get up and get ready for work and she finally gets up and gets ready. She has a couple of bandages on her feet from blisters she got last week. SO, again, lying on her back naked she wants me to change out the bandages because they, of course, got wet while she was taking a shower. I of course, do that, but also make the comment that it wasn’t fair lying their naked because she knows how much I want her. No comment from her and stupid mistake by me for even saying that. When will I learn. Anyway, I finish with the bandaids and go downstairs.
She mentioned the cat litter needing to be scooped and then later, downstairs, some grease needing to be thrown in the trash. I ‘let’ her scoop the cat litter and collect the grease as I figure she needs to do somethings herself and I need to stop doing everything. I am trying to do less and have her do more. It’s hard, but rewarding I suppose.
On the way to work this morning, we joke and talk until she has yet another sinus headache. I then ask her if she’s called her mom and she states no and decides to call her after a minute of thinking about it. Conversation with mom continues and she gets out the car to go to work and says goodbye. No I love you though.
Wife calls about 1100 and wants to make sure I talk to son about one of his friends not truly being a friend. That’s it, goodbye. I don’t know why I’m feeling a little depressed as I know that God will take care of this and I just have to trust Him and step out in faith. Go God!
On the way home, we are discussing insurance again and my taking it easy as I get back to the shape I was in when I deployed with the Team. We were just joking around, but she makes a comment about not feeling well or something and I immediately think depression and her thinking of him intimately. It upsets me and I said that she just needs to f&*ing make up her mind. Bad enough I cursed, but to let her get to me was wrong. Here’s the kicker, though, she then stated that what she was saying had nothing to do with her needing to make up her mind or being depressed about him. She wasn’t even thinking about any of that. Guess who felt 2 inches tall after that. Here’s another kicker, though, we moved on from there and still had a good conversation the rest of the way home. It’s like I said what I felt and she didn’t like it, but we moved on from there and it didn’t ‘kill’ the conversation.
We ate, watched TV, and then went to bed and I told her sweet dreams and she repeated that to me. Her sister wants her to come visit for the weekend, but she doesn’t really want to go. It’s a long drive and wife is tired and wants to sleep more over the weekend. It used to be if wife and I were apart she didn’t like it because we were apart. I miss having my soulmate.
7 June: We wake up acting as if we are truly married. Enjoying each other’s company and being sleepy. She slept in only her nightshirt again last night. She hasn’t done that in a very, very, very long time. Not sure why the ‘display’ lately. She is also sleeping closer to me initially when she goes to sleep. It just doesn’t make sense to me how we can get along so well, but she definitely doesn’t tell me she loves me. That has stopped altogether since I stopped saying it to her. She does seem to be smiling more ‘at me’ and I’m not sure how to take that. The reason I don’t trust this ‘eyeballing’ of me is because she is still all about ‘following her heart’ and the OM has that. I tell her bye and she says bye and have a good day. I then tap her on the back as she gets out and tell her she looks good today. She says thank you and gets out. Why do we seem on the outside to be so ‘together’ but we’re not??? It is amazing how we agree on everything (even money), but don’t see eye to eye on the OM issue and that’s what’s truly keeping us apart. In all things give thanks to God...I thank you God.

M: 47
W: 45
T: 21 years
M: 20 years
D: 25 (prior marriage)
D: 23 (prior marriage)
S: 17
EA: 31 Dec 2004
ILUBINILWY: 31 Dec 2004