I intend to live forever - so far, so good

[ClingingToHope]

STBXW texted me about some D8 school issues. I responded so she called and I picked up. Had a five minute conversation and -- I can't help it -- I listened for any sign of "well, maybe."

None of that. She was telling me how unhappy D8 was about a number of things and one of the issues is where she sleeps at my house. So STBXW started asking about the sleeping arrangements and what she told her.

And I could feel the anger rising. D8 was depressed about like six things and STBXW dwelled on one thing in my house. I wanted to tell her to focus on issues at her house and I'll focus on issues at mine, but I didn't say anything.

When it was over I wondered why I was so upset. And it boils down again to fear. I fear she'll never admit she was wrong to divorce me. I fear that she was correct -- and not just rewriting history -- when she said she never loved me. I fear if that's the case then all the happy memories I have are a mirage and that I'm unlovable and will always be alone. I fear that the mean things said in my childhood are true.

Wow. It's hard to let go those childhood insults. That saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me" is absolute garbage. You heal from sticks and stones, but doubts from name calling seem to be with you always.